Time to Give Up…

This last accident was the last straw. I always try so hard to hide or fake being okay, but I can’t this time. I’m tired of it. I’m in constant pain. Its hard for me to stay awake, I’m constantly drowsy and I can’t remember what just happened 30 minutes ago for the life of me. Breathing is a bitch.

Symptoms are getting worse but when people ask, of course my response is a smile followed by, “Oh I feel so much better!” which is the lie.

People have this so much worse than I do, which makes me feel like a quitter. Weak. Powerless.

But I’m just so tired of it. I don’t want to live like this anymore. Sometimes, I’d just rather not live.

You may say I’m just being lazy, but you don’t know what I go through. What I feel. What I live with. What I hide so you don’t give me your pity.

I just want to give up. I think it’s time to give up. What’s the point in pushing on when there’s a new struggle added daily?

No releases. Just added pain.

3 thoughts on “Time to Give Up…”

  1. Marie, I don’t know what is causing your pain, but very likely you will get better. Don’t feel like you have to lie and act like you’re okay. If you are so seriously down that you don’t want to live, you need to tell someone you can trust. Someone who will listen and help. There are better days ahead. Don’t even consider taking your unique light out of this world. The is no other light with your name and your heart.
    You are special and loved by God with a very special love. Believe me, dear girl. It’s the beautiful truth. If you have no one else to talk to, feel free to talk to me. I will listen and care.

  2. Hey I’m Viv
    I’ve lived with depression since sophomore year of high school. After some years, turns out I’m bipolar! Anyways, my point is that I get you. I get the hiding and smiling and telling people you’re okay when you’re not. I get the feeling alone but still wanting to be alone. And I get the suicidal thoughts. A year ago I tried overdosing on pain killers, I had to drink charcoal! Literally, fucking charcoal. You know that stuff you use to grill? it was disgusting and now I am $12,000 in debt. It’s not worth it. I know it may not seem like it sometimes, but someone cares about you, and would be broken if you were no longer here. Medication helped me, try to find something that helps you and trust that you will start having more good days then bad

  3. I think she wrote because she felt no one truly understood. I feel she looked at the comments and proved herself right. I feel she appreciated the feedback. I feel that she was looking for someone that would finally understand. I feel she knew where her story was headed. It wasn’t depression… she was on 17 medications in the morning and 12 at night….. she was surprisingly calm in the end. She wasn’t afraid. She smiled and gave us the okay to get some rest. We didn’t rest much before the code blue call… Marie never got better. Ariel Marie passed away from Lupus complications on May 19, 2016.
    10 days before her 19th birthday.

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