A memory I wish to have..

Years ago.. my mother lost a ring.. it was my father’s.. she had it made for him.. I don’t know what it looked like and when did she lost it.. coz I haven’t seen it.. my aunt from our province called and she said that they found the ring that my mother lost years ago.. I don’t know how exactly they found it.. but as to what I heard a kid from our neighborhood found it.. the news made her happy.. she said she searched for it and gave up coz she thought that it was stolen.. it never occurred to her that it would be found.. it really made her so happy.. maybe it was that important to her.. It was far more than just a ring.. she said that it was one of the few things she had left from my father and she was grateful that it was found..

I want to have it.. but I don’t think my mother would let me.. I don’t have anything from him.. even a single memory of him.. all I have is a few photos.. 

I remembered.. every time I look at those photos back when I was younger.. I would ask my mother who is on the photo.. I haven’t got the chance to know and even see him.. I barely know a thing about him.. we rarely talk about it.. 

Back when I was a kid.. I would always ask God a lot of questions about it.. but as I grow up.. I stopped asking questions.. I just believed that this happened for a reason.. and just trust God.. 

It still makes me really sad.. talking and thinking about this.. The pain will never go away.. but still.. I consider myslelf lucky and blessed.. coz I still have our mother with us.. there are a lot of people out there who had been through the same or even worst.. 

but I always have one question in my head that I could never answer..

I always wonder what does it feels like to have a father.. to have him as a father.. guess that would just remain as a mystery to me.. coz I would never know it for myself..

this was still a good day after all.. so smile!

One thought on “A memory I wish to have..”

  1. Imo it could be better to have no memories rather than having memories of a father that is no longer with you… it’s the memories that hurt. But then again, the emptiness is still there either or, so I respect your wishes to have a memory of him c: it must be hard but you gotta keep looking forward. Maybe your mom will open up soon and start talking about him, to keep his memory alive… the grief never really goes away.

    And btw, that’s amazing that the ring found its way back to your mom! My aunt had a similar experience 🙂

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