I can be that kind of friend,
who goes on an adventure with you at 1am,
who answers your calls at 2am,
who calms your tears at 3am,
I can be that kind of friend
If someone would just
I was friends with you for a year
She, for a week
& yet you seem to fancy her more
Than you have ever with me
I have always had that problem when making friends throughout my entire childhood and teenage years. My anxiety persists to dissuade me from talking to new people. I only had a small gang of friends and the only reason others would talk to me is because of them. If you were a classmate of mine, you would call me reserved, antisocial and probably mean—I think my face has a mean effect aka resting bitch face if I don’t smile.
But the thing is, I don’t want to be known as that.
I want to be known as a fun friend; someone amiable and someone full of life. Of course, only my few friends would know this fact about me (hello to my narcissistic side).
I’m an extroverted introvert, if you will.
Hmm, maybe I’m only thinking of this because a college student in my city passed away in a fatal car accident a few days ago. When it was shared on Facebook, I saw a flood of people commenting on how she was a wonderful friend, a beautiful woman that touched a lot of lives. Thinking about it now, I think my issue here is not so much about wanting to be noticed as a good friend, but wanting to be remembered before I turn to dust.
I used to be okay with being invisible but I guess I found out that that’s not what I really want to be. At 20 years old, I’m still practicing to be more social and outgoing but I can’t help it when the thought of standing up in class to turn in my paper makes my stomach churn. There’s a little person inside of me that’s waiting to be noticed and I hope she comes out soon. The world is an ugly place but your soul can make it beautiful.
How’s that for my first entry? Lol
(Now it’s kind of awkward coz my username is technically phantoms and phantoms are invisible but now I don’t want to be invisible anymore but meh I still kinda do if that makes sense lol sorry I’m a confusing individual)
♛ phxntoms ♛