Poison environment, poison friends, etc.

The place I live is equal parts redneck meth village and run-down ghetto. This town is seriously terrible. It used to be that nothing bad ever happened, and when it did, it was only once in a blue moon and nothing exteremly serious- maybe a domestic dispute or a fight in the walmart parking lot. Now, it seems like it’s happening a few times a week…Somebody is shot and killed for no reason, somebody is shot and killed for drug-related reasons, a pregnant woman is shot, a woman is raped and murdered in her own house…If this was a big city, I wouldn’t feel so scared. But this is a tiny, tiny town where you literally know everybody. I’m scared to go anywhere alone anymore. I’m scared just to go to work. It seems like, lately, customers have been crazier and crazier. How soon before somebody steps behind my register and assaults me, or waits in the parking lot for me because I told them, no, we can’t do a cash refund on this item that you’ve had for over a decade, without a receipt. People are crazycrazyCRAZY. The other day, a man and this girl, maybe about my age, were standing at the register next to mine…It was empty, there was no cashier there. I called to them and asked if they were ready to check out. The man was on the phone, I didn’t see this. But the girl turned around and just GLARED at me. Like a genuine, hateful, nasty look. And she wouldn’t stop staring at me. I thought she was about to start something- A few weeks ago a lady FLIPPED HER SHIT and called me a bitch, literally over nothing- so I told my head cashier that I didn’t want to deal with her and snuck off to pretend I was busy elsewhere. 

Last year or so some guy “jokingly” said that he was going to go get his gun out of his truck and shoot me if he couldn’t get his money back on some stupid thing. I really hate my job. I really, really hate my job. I wish I could find a job elsewhere…somewhere safer, where trashy, nasty people didn’t congregate. But alas, this town has no job market and I can’t afford to move to a safer town.

On top of this, I just feel alone. Katie doesn’t seem to want shit to do with me. I need Katie, but it just doesn’t seem that she needs me at all. Katherine has been shrugging me off- my own damn sister. All of my other friends are constantly doing stuff together. I’m rarely ever invited, and when I am, I can’t tag along because of work. 

The only friend that ever seems to want to do anything is Ashley, but really, I wish that she was just completely out of my life. For a while, it was all good. We would go out, do stuff, have fun, until she started showing her true colors. Truth be told, she is a very negative person who just isn’t really all that fun to be around. She complains about EVERYTHING….The whole entire time she was planning her wedding, I don’t recall a single positive thing that she said about anything. It was all complaints about what was going *wrong*. She’s EXTREMELY bossy…if it isn’t exactly her way by her terms, she gets upset. She beats her husband and thinks it’s funny to brag about…”Oh, we got into a fight the other night. He has this HUGE bruise where I threw my hairspray and blowdryer at him.” Yeah, honey. He’s going to get REAL sick of that if you keep it up. She also takes his money…They have a safe where he stores his cash to get his classic cars fixed. We went shopping one day and takes a huge wad of cash out of the safe and laughs that it’s “her money now”. She’s mean to her animals…GOD is she mean to her animals. She is always yelling at all of them, yelling “YOU’RE PISSING ME OFF” and spanking them when they won’t sit on command. She’s putting one of her dogs down because he’s killed 4 animals, including her own cat. I don’t think this is right. Instead of putting him down, she should just be less of a shitty person and LOVE her animals so that they won’t act out. 

Also, she throws fits because she can’t get pregnant….SHE MEDICALLY CANNOT DO THIS. Her doctor told her that any pregnancy she has will most likely not make it past a couple of weeks. And yet, she still tries, and she gets upset every single month when she gets her period. Then she takes it out on her husband. Really, why does she want a fucking child so badly when she still acts like one herself? 

One other thing, she’s a spoiled little rich girl. She went to a private school growing up. Her dad was made of money….He still is. SHe went to the same schmancy art school that I did, only she could afford to go for 4 years where I couldn’t. One time, I don’t think she meant anything by it but it REALLY pissed me off all the same – She asked if I had $100 to spare to go get a massage with her. BITCH. REALLY. I work in a shitty-ass hardware store. I make just above minimum wage. I live at home. I don’t have a husband whose money I can just help myself to. $100 is A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY TO ME. I can’t just spend that on something so frivolous as a BACKRUB. She got mad at me when I couldn’t afford to go to New Orleans with her. She got mad at me because I wouldn’t “go halfsies” on a personal trainer…Like I even have the time for that anyway.

I ranted on her a lot more than I intended to, but she’s just such a downer and I don’t like hanging out with her. One more thing, I don’t think she’s really that great of a friend anyway….I posted on Facebook that I wanted to be alone for a while because work was stressful. While it may be possible that she just didn’t see it, I doubt it…She probably thinks that she’s “exempt” from this and she’s been blowing up my phone. I’ve been ignoring her. And I know she probably talks shit about me whenever she’s with the “white-trash” friends that she’s always complaining about.



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