The People I’ve Known On Goodnight Journal

So I started writing on this site pretty soon after it was created–maybe in early 2013, around January, when there were only a few hundred or maybe a few thousand people on the site. I wrote, avidly, for a few months, before I got bored with the concept and drifted away, before coming back again after another couple of months, only to delete my first journal in a fit of depression and loneliness because most of the old writers had gone.

Pink Rose, the first person I “met” on Goodnight, had deleted her journal sometime when I was away, and LunnyLove (I think it was spelled like that), another writer, had stopped writing, as well. California Dream, the creator of the site, was still here, of course–always here–but it felt lonely and pointless to write things on here when I didn’t “know” anyone else. So I deleted my journal.

I regret doing that now. I regret not having anything from myself as I was then–thirteen years old, immature, and suffering from extreme insecurity in a school with barely a thousand people, who all whispered and pointed and stared when I walked around the school. I poured everything I had into that journal, into those “pages”, and then I just wiped them all clean. I think, when I was deleting the account, I was afraid of myself, afraid of the things I’d said when I was younger, because they seemed so needy and young, and I hated the fact that I had once been like that.

Obviously, I could have just set all of the journals to private and kept the account, but I wanted to be free of it all. Just forget that I had ever written anything here or met anyone on this site.

So I let go of the site, and I forgot all about it until 2014, when I was living in a new city and had too much time on my hands not to write. I had been writing–I’m always writing–in a paper journal, but it felt different. It wasn’t as smooth or easy, because when you’re writing on a computer, you can write as much as you want with no strain. And somehow, I remembered this site.

So I came back, mostly, and I’ve disappeared a few times, for weeks, for months, but I’ve come back, because this site means a lot to me, and it’s seen me through my weakest moments. So I’m here.

But I still miss the people who were once here, too.

There have been so many people on Goodnight. 82,000+ people on this website, and a great deal of them have already abandoned their journals, or simply don’t write any public entries anymore. I miss the people who have left.

There was Pink Rose, who I mentioned before. She was learning the guitar, and I remember she once had a project where she had to name different types of candies, or something.

There was LunnyLove. She was a big Potterhead, and she had a Golden named Grace. She also had an iPad that she accidentally smashed.

There was SleepTight. I miss her journals, miss reading about her life; she was so cheery and so kind. She was learning German.

There was Twigs. Twigs, I miss quite a lot…I go through these mood swings a lot, but I commented on her journal once, saying something along the lines of “As long as you’re still living, breathing and existing here on earth, you will find that life gets better.” She–at least, I think it was her–thanked me, for keeping her chin up, and I’m glad that I was able to help her (or someone else) a little. She wrote slam poetry.

There was TryingToStayAnonymous (later TTSA) from the UK. He wrote these super long, extravagantly detailed entries about his days at the Royal Ballet School, and he deleted his first journal but came back under the name TTSA…only to disappear again, for some unknown reason. I miss reading his entries, too, because they were so entertaining and his life as a dancer was so different from mine.

There was Anniecat. I wrote emails to her for a while in 2015–but then suddenly we lost contact. She doesn’t write anymore. She was much older than me, but she gave me a lot of advice and comfort.

There was littlebirdie, from Australia. She stopped writing, and I wonder how she is now, because she was going through a lot of stuff in her life, too.

There have been so many other people on this website, so many different souls, all going through different things and just struggling to define themselves and their lives. I miss them. Is it strange, that I miss people I don’t know? In a way, you know, they defined me and how I think of other people. I miss the part that they played in my life, in the hours I’ve spent writing and reading journals.

Of course, some people have stayed, and there are still kind people here. Christoper Forbes MacNeill? He’s been here for the longest time, faithfully posting…Lee Paysour? He writes every day. Ashen writes pretty much every day, too. firelily told me that there was nothing wrong with liking Harry Potter as a sixteen-year-old. brittanymichelle told me I have a “real talent”, which is more encouragement than I have ever gotten from most of the people I have known. savedbygrace said I was a good writer, which made my heart blossom into a million flowers–thank you, brittany and savedbygrace, for your comments. California Dream is always here, he just doesn’t write all the time. And of course, some people may still “be here”, just writing private journals instead of public ones.

I’ve seen so many stories, so many people just here, in this tiny little corner of the internet.

And that’s all I wanted to talk about today. Just the people I’ve known, the journals I’ve read. I am grateful for this website and what it offers. It doesn’t have the liveliest community, and so many journals go unread and uncommented on, but it’s still helped me gain a different perspective on different people and their lives.

6 thoughts on “The People I’ve Known On Goodnight Journal”

  1. I seriously loved this. I honestly don’t know where to start. When I saw my name my heart jumped a few notches. It is crazy; isn’t it? How fast this page is growing and how many people are coming and going. I know I haven’t been here for long but I have most definitely grown from this site. Before this site I never wrote anything. I almost despised it. After I found this site I became quite fond of writing. Writing is a place where you can lose yourself in a world like no other. It’s a beautiful thing really. I absolutely love reading some of the peoples journals. Of course I don’t read all of them because I’m a busy student but I do have a few names in mind that I look for on a daily basis. For example, a few names I would have in mind would be ashen, Therealgoddessianna, and of course you. All of you are great writers and you all are the reason why I stayed on this page. Even if y’all left I would still stay just because I want to be able to look back on these and see how much I have grown. I will never delete my journals because I have written so much and I will continue writing. I just need something or somebody to make me want to write. Y’all are the reason I write.
    I love the fact that we become a part of somebody else’s life on this site. You posted many examples of people you wish would still write and you miss. I think it’s amazing. Wow, I should probably stop now. I’m bad about trying to make a short and sweet comment but actually sending hundreds of words.

  2. Hi PrettyinBlack, it’s been a long time talking to you here 🙂 I remember we used to talked to a lot more on comments with others you mentioned in your journal. I miss all of them too and I’m so glad you came back and writing again. I believe journaling is one of the greatest things you can do to yourself although I’m being lazy on this as you know 😉 but I do keep journals on the paper everyday.
    Your journal made me so happy and feel very good to run this site. I will engage more with a community and get to know people better and we will talk more 🙂

    I some how got up at 6 in the morning and ended up on your journal haha and now I am so grateful 🙂 thank you PrettyinBlack!

  3. I remember you PrettyinBlack and I think I responded to some of your Journals and loved your writing. I also haven’t been on as much as I would like. I was one of the first ones to join this site when it was just starting out and California Dream was trying to get all the gulches fixed and improve the site. It turn out to be one of the best journal sites on the web for me anyway. I also lost track of the people that was on here in the start. I had a awesome friendship and still do with Emma. Maybe you encouraged me to come back more and write and read and comment. Now that your back I will try and come on and see what your up to in life. Have a good day and let be filled with good things:)

  4. Hi my dear!! I always look forward to reading your posts & this one was especially great! It really is a shame that you deleted some of your past journals, but I can understand where the embarrassment comes from. Sometimes it’s just tough to look back on your writing at certain parts of your life and remember where you were at that time. Dredging up the past can bring up some really painful memories. But I hope, some day in the future, that you can look back on your current writing and be proud of yourself and how far you’ve come. I truly meant it when I said you have a real talent. Keep exploring yourself and your writing. Can’t wait to read your first novel 🙂

  5. Hi Sprout! so glad to see you here again 😉 Its’s funny that when I launched this site, I was in California and I will be there in 2 weeks for visiting 🙂
    Hi Lee paysoul and brittanymichele, thank you for writing journals regularly I really need to get involved with reading more journals from others. I look forward to get to know you guys better!

  6. Wow, this is such a wonderful entry! I know I’m rather new here, but already I feel that this website is the last one left of the “old world of the internet”, where people actually read all those long entries and cared to write a comment from time to time. I also started to care for some of the authors, like I knew them, even though most of them probably have no clue who I am (at the moment I am too busy with labwork and publishing and being a mom to write a proper journal entry) and I miss them when they are gone (what happened to bookishromantic?? 🙁 ).
    Oh, and by the way, I am in my mid-twenties and I have a Harry Potter quote engraved inside my wedding ring. 😉
    Long story short – it’s people like you who make this website awesome. 🙂

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