Walking Alone At Night

“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk alone” 
— Boulevard of Broken Dreams
 
Sometimes I feel so alone it feels overwhelming. It is hard living with the triple threat of Anxiety, Bi polar, and Depression. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by everything going through my head on a daily basis, but sometimes when I’m alone I fall back into old habits…I had one ex that suffered from borderline disorder and he always understood me…so every so often I think about what it would be like to have stayed with him and have someone who understood my pain, but it also would be bad because when I was with him I was depressed because our disorders brought the worst out in each other. 
 
My husband makes me smile and makes me laugh, but I feel like I don’t deserve his love. I am so fucked up that maybe he deserves better than a wife who suffers day to day to keep her head above water. Why can’t I just accept his love?? Why am I so messed up??

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