Today did NOT go like I’d hoped, but then again I should be used to that. It terrified me..
It had been 3 weeks since I’d seen him, and I’d been going crazy waiting. I’ve been in a funk lately. Like a depression, without the usual suicidal thoughts or intense sadness. Anyways, he was finally coming over. I tried so hard to psych myself up, to not seem so down or quiet, but damn.
It was hard to seem even a little excited or interested, not that I wasn’t, I was ecstatic to see my boyfriend. I needed to see him. To feel him. To taste his lips.
I had even prepared topics and fake conversations but when it came to it, I just… couldn’t.
Which scares me, because if the love of my life can’t even give me the strength to fake a smile, what will?