Expressing myself.

I recently watched a movie that opened my eyes and made me realize that i need to just be myself. I’m not so sure i can do that in “reality” quiet yet so i’m taking the first step and i’m going to do it anomalously online for now. I am the type of person to take care of everyone and put their needs ahead of mine. And don’t get me wrong, i love doing so, but every once in awhile it would be really nice if someone cared about me for once. I mean i have a loving family and a few good friends but no one i can truly be myself around because i know they wouldn’t approve. I am currently in a situation with a guy who i cant be with even though there is nothing i want more. My family thinks that hes not good for me and that i deserve better but the thing is, i’m in love with him. Its been three years now that he has been in my life. For now lets call him Andy. He’s in jail right now for about 2-3 years for robbing a gas station. Now i know what your going to say, but like i said, i’m in love with him. We were not together at the time that he robbed the gas station and to this day i have no idea why he did it. I have a few ideas though. Andy grew up living a hard life. Once he turned 18 he was kicked out of foster care and had been living on friends couches. He’s now 21. Im all he has left and i dont want to leave him. With him being in jail for so long is really hard on me as well. Im 18 and im just starting to live my own life. I want to go out with friends and party. I wanna smoke a little weed and relax. I want to have hot sex and wake up knowing i had a good time making memories. I dont want to start off my life by waiting for Andy to get released. Andy is the only person i can see myself marrying and having kids with though. I dream of a big house we have with three kids and just being happy together. He is the man of my dreams. I miss him so very much but 3 years it a long time. 

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