Evolving and ready for Change

Today has been awesome because I feel like I’m getting my power back but the only concern is keeping it and growing, moving on and being happy with my life for once and for all. I get my days where I feel unstoppable and amazing and the others are horrible to put it simple. I have a problem with constantly living and thinking about past events and its crazy. I know it takes time to move on and to be in a better place but enough is enough and I’m tired of the unsteady progression that I call my life. I know what I’m capable of but there is something in me that scared of success. I constant on daily basis dream about everything that I am capable of doing but then I think about low shit and I feel like I’m back at square one. I need to move on and I am trying but god is going to have to help me with this one because its hard and I need him more than anything period. I also have another perspective on this subject. The culprit in my opinion does know the extent of the damage that he has caused. It’s so much easier to forget the past and move on when you are the one doing all the hurting but the hurt takes time to heal and it’s not an easy road for me. I especially can’t stand it when he acts like he doesn’t remember shit, like are you stupid I know you remember that. truth is, that’s why I behave the way I have been because all the mental abuse I took and in a way I feel like he got away with is imprinted in my head and heart. I remember everything like it was yesterday. Everything and it hurts just as bad as it did a little over a year ago but whose counting? I need to make peace because this is taking my peace away and I never wanted that like I never wanted to be with someone who would question themselves about me because I know I’m a good person and deserve the best like everyone else and when you give someone the key to your heart your also taking the huge risk of that said person breaking it, and he ripped mine open with his teeth and stomped it into the ground where it bled out. He wants to fix it and I would like that more than anything but the thing is..how do you go by fixing something like that of what I’ve been put through? Trust means everything to me and he completely lost it and its a big chance its never coming back and I’m beginning not to care anymore. I’m tired and so is my heart. I loved and lost too much to the point where I’m getting ready to just get up and walk away for good. No need to waste anymore of my precious time with someone I don’t trust or see myself with for the rest of my life. Not saying that I don’t want too but if things stay the same he has to go period. I don’t want that but it is what it is. If you can’t see that diamond when you have it don’t be mad that its shine enticed a real treasure hunter finds it to adore for keeps sake. I love the older I get the more wiser and in tuned with myself I am. Everyday I’m learning the things I want and things that I never wanted and are starting not to matter. Change is my rescuer and only saving grace.

One thought on “Evolving and ready for Change”

  1. You are on the right track, friend. Leave the past in the past. Don’t hook up again with someone who treated you so badly and hurt you. You deserve better, and someone BETTER is waiting for you somewhere. Take one day at a time and notice all the good things, however small —like a flower in the crack of a sidewalk. Thank
    God for your good friends and most of all for His being there for you. He is, and He will be, forever. Seek Him and trust Him. He will show you the way.
    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5. He wants GOOD things for you and your whole life. His is the Love you can count on. Try and see. God bless you, my friend.

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