Left Behind

There are no words to describe this hell

Wrapped up in my own mind and body 

Suffering but unable to get out

There’s nothing that can be done nothing works

I suffer alone in my fight I feel left behind

Words cut deep and wounds keep being reopened

How can I heal this when the odds are against me

How did I become so weak when I used to be so strong

I was so independent before and now I’m dependent

I’d give anything to have my old life back

To be able to know whats going on in the world

To be able to listen to music and really appreciate the melodies

To be able to garden and feel the soil in between my fingers

Planting beautiful flowers and food to be eaten

I want that back so badly

My mind doesn’t stop it searches for answers constantly

God…. the only thing to get me through tonight when everyone else has turned their backs on me

I know how Jesus felt when he had his disciples turn their backs on him

He told them that they would all betray him

I feel the same, I feel betrayed, abandoned, used, hurt, alone

I’m scared to be trapped with my own thoughts

Repetitive cycles that do not stop, they just loop over and over

Blame, shame, guilt, trauma, pain, resentment, remorse, mourning

I suffer the loss, the grieving because I know what it’s come to now

What has been done can never be repaired, it can never be saved

It’s too late now, I messed up once again and it’s too late now

I mourn harder than anyone will ever know because my soul aches

In the pit of my stomach my soul aches, it’s an eternal pain I can’t convey

I know this is the end, I know I’m left behind

3 thoughts on “Left Behind”

  1. You mentioned Jesus. He is the One who will NEVER leave you behind. He is with you and loving you every minute, every day and night. Talk to Him, tell Him your heart is broken (He knows). Ask for help. I pray you will be feeling good again soon. Bless you.

  2. I believe in God, and I believe that he can help you, but in order for him to help you, you have to take the first step, help yourself because no matter what you will always be there for you, and instead of feeling down of yourself just always make things happy. I know what it feels like to just wanna shut everyone and everything out, I know how it feels to hurt and just not know what to do anymore with your life, I’ve been through that and sometimes I still do. But what I do to help myself is to think of good things that happened and those people who hurt me, guess what I shut them out, those people who bullied, I stood up for myself. My wounds, healed overtime. They didn’t just heal by themselves, in order for them to heal start by respecting your self, then let god lead the way but you need to keep acting out because God’s way of helping you is by letting you lead the way.

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