That is the perfect way to describe the situation. I was living at home, had lots of rules about my freedom. I thrived to live alone and have my own space. I’m an independent person who likes to have me-time. I can never spend too long with someone (unless I really bloody like them) as I just always want to be by myself. I’ve never had a serious partner, my longest relationship is two weeks and that’s probably how it’s going to stay for a while. I’ve always wanted to change that, I’ve always wanted to feel love and be loved. I see people around me being happy with their partners and there I am getting fucked and chucked each time I meet someone. Enough about that, that’s for another time.
So yes, due to the fact I had so many restrictions I feel it may have pushed me that little bit further to just wanting to have fun. I’ve always known about drugs, I’ve watched programmes about people taking 2/3 drugs at a time and calling them idiots… Well. Me and my new best mate ‘G’ were going for a night out. We got some coke, only a gram. Funny thing is, I got nothing from it… absolutely nothing! I even told my mum (we’re very close like that) and she said she had the same experience when she first did it. And that was that… or so I thought. I had then tried it again, it seemed to be that each time I tried it again I would feel it more and more. Maybe it was depending on the quality of it but it being in Taunton it’s unlikely it was ever decent. You could say I became really attached to coke, probably because it was the easiest to get hold of in Taunton. With going out more and being involved with more of the drug side like going to raves, I became known to more people.
I started getting involved with the wrong people. I hate saying that sentence, I don’t blame them for my problem. I don’t blame them for their lifestyle, they can do what they like and I’m sure they have their reasons. So I was doing coke more often, doing a gram to myself easily a night. Then I came across meow, me and G would do this about half each each time. This wasnt too much of a problem, but had the same ‘wanting’ effecting of coke. I say addiction, but to me it isn’t. It’s just a problem. My mind doesn’t crave it every single moment of the day but when I’m feeling lonely and down – i know it picks me up.
So of course, we’d have those allnighters where we start at 10pm and finishing at 10am the next morning. Gain absolutely nothing out of it apart from about 2 hours of feeling fucking fantastic. Going home the next day, trying to relax and sleep. Luckily if I had just been out to a rave then I can conk out and sleep through my comedown. I could never do that with coke.