Whenever I have weird dreams I’ll just either obsess over it or brush it off. Last night though I had two, and neither one is being brushed off so easily, especially this one. Mainly because it’s so.. wrong. So shameful. I’m disgusted.
For some reason I was back at my old college. I had just said goodbye to my boyfriend. We were supposed to go somewhere but he’d decided to meet up with some friends and do who knows what. Anyways.. I was walking off and I look up to my left to see an old friend. An ex actually. I stopped because we saw each other and with the biggest smile he said “I’ve been waiting to run into you”! He was strolling closer to me with his palm out, handing me what I think was a ribbon..?
“I had been saving this for you.. Here.”
I grabbed it and was looking it over when he moved right next to me.
“Do you remember it? I found it when I was cleaning and I’ve been dying to give it back, call it my excuse to say Hey..”
I was just about to say something when I felt him step up closer behind me. Felt his lips on me. His teeth softly bite my shoulder. I quickly turned to face him and tried to back away but his hand was now gripping my waist. He was looking at me with a glare so intense, there was no denying what he wanted. I tossed the ribbon down, turned and just started running. He was chasing me now through the campus and after a while I had come to a stop on the edge of a building. He was right behind me reaching out and then… That’s when I woke up.
I can’t get that soft bite or that glare out of my head. I feel disgusted with myself for that, mostly because I have a boyfriend whom I love and would never intentionally hurt and I’m over here dreaming of exes while he’s over there going through hell in his own life.
Let’s get it straight though. I have no feelings What So Ever for this guy and this dream definitely didn’t change that. I just feel ashamed for not being able to stop thinking about it or the feeling and the fact that there’s another in my dreams.
And then after that dream I had another terrible one but that’s a completely different Journal..