The Color of Useless

He’s in a mood.  

It’s been four weeks since he was laid off.

He’s in a mood because he feels useless.

Depressed because I’m the only one working.

Anxious because the electric bill he was in charge of, has somehow reached 600.00 and will be cut off Monday.

Super anxious because I don’t get paid until the 5th, and even then it won’t be enough to pay the electric bill.

Resentful of the ex who does nothing to monetarily (or anything else) help with our (their) son.

Tormented because he may have to take an 12.00 a dollar hour job.  

Humiliated because that’s less than half of what he was making before.

I don’t know what else to do.

I work as much as I can, as hard as I can, but this last month has been tough.

Truthfully, my job doesn’t pay much.

I didn’t know he let the electric bill get behind.

Now we’re facing shut off, and that just doesn’t work.. Especially with two children.

I can appreciate his mood though.

It motivates him to go out and get to work, instead of waiting around for a high paying job.

When a higher paying job comes along later, great.

His mood is starting to effect mine.

I’m feeling  anxious because the shut off is coming and I don’t have a solution yet.

Tired because my work is taxing on the body.

Exhausted because I’ve been so sick due to my Lyme’s titers rising again.

Irritated because I’ve had to lean so hard on my kids about their grades.


I’m also grateful that I have a job.

Happy that my daughter decided to join a softball team, and is going to be trying out for cheerleading next month.

Relieved that my son is finally over that stomach bug.  It was rough.

Warm hearted, yet Sad, because one of the kids friends told me that he wished I was his real mom because he’d then have a parent who cared about him.

Fortunate that I have a loving, healthy, family.

Important, because my kids make me feel that way.

Elated that, despite his mood, I’m very much loved by him.

I try to remember the little things, even throughout all of the stress.

I know there’s a way to fix it, I just haven’t found out what yet.

I should be sleeping.  I have to work tonight.


Life can never just be easy.










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