Dark Paradise

I just realized I’ve been in denial about something for months. When he broke up with me, I felt like I was fine. As time went on, I was angry at him and kept telling myself I moved on.

4 months later and I realized deep down in my heart I haven’t let him go. He’s still on my mind a lot. Not as much as he used to be…but I still waste time thinking about him. It would be easier to move on if I didn’t have a class with him almost everyday. Sometimes I catch myself thinking “Wow he looks cute today” when I catch small glimpses of him. 

Whats wrong with me? 

I’m angry at him because he suddenly changed his mind and lead me on pretty much. But at the same time I understand why he did what he did. I think he’s stupid, but I still yearn for us to be a couple. I think to myself “Maybe we liked each other at the wrong times, but in the end we’re meant to be with each other.” 

My thoughts are such a mess honestly. Do I still like him because he was the first guy I fell for? Or is it because I’m not occupied with anything else so my mind just randomly drifts to him? I don’t know anymore. I just want to get over him but for some reason I’m not letting myself. 

3 thoughts on “Dark Paradise”

  1. When you love someone, they never really leave your heart. I understand how you feel. I’ve dated a guy I see once a week and he’s been my first kiss, because of that whenever I like someone, instead of seeing my crush’s face, I see his. But instead of thinking sadly upon it, I learned that you have to appreciate the moments you had together. We’re basically the same person, but sometimes it’s not meant to be. I realised that when only two months later after breaking up, he is moving far away soon.

  2. It is hard to move on if you see your EX everyday. I undersand what you feel, coz I feel the same way. The first thing for moving on is acceptance, do not contact him, try to avoid him. Try to hangout with your family and friends. Star new things to make you busy so you’ll never think of him.

  3. First love is always unforgettable. Maybe you should not try so hard to forget him (since you see him at school anyhow) — but express your love by praying for him, (secretly, of course) and blessing him and wishing good things for him. If you CAN forget him, that would be good. But if you can’t, privately vent your anger and then bless him in your thoughts. You’ll be amazed the difference it will make if you can forgive him.

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