I wish I could shut my heart up

I fucking fall in love with everyone. Jesus.

They show me a bit of their light or soul and I just fucking lose it inside. It could be as simple as a song they like, or the way they laugh, or some witty fuckin quip they deliver out of nowhere. The way their lips part when they break into a smile. The gait in their walk. The way they move hair out of their face. Fuck. It makes it hard when I feel so drawn or consumed by someone and I cannot act on it. But do I want to act on it? I wouldn’t say it is a romantic love every time…no, no it isn’t. Sometimes, most the time, it is very platonic. I love people who are real. Who dont apologize for their quirks or weirdness. I dislike conformity or trying to fit in so very much.  Be an individual! So yeah, I fall hard and fast for humans. A loyal friend, almost to a fault. It has hurt me in the past but I dont give up hope or learn my lesson. I just keep tumbling. But sometimes, out of nowhere, it isnt platonic. Sparks ignite and I have to pretend to be a god damn fire extinguisher when I really want to be a fucking gallon of gasoline. Either because they are taken or I am taken or the timing is just fucking all kinds of wrong. The sick part? I actually almost kind of love that torture. I think I would rather lay my head down and close my eyes, my thoughts nailed to that person and my heart heavy with the yearning. Sick addictions.

 

 

 

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