No Absolute – Not Black or White

I carry around other people’s opinions and comments a lot.  I trust others’ advice a lot.  I trust others’ criticism a lot.  Sometimes more than my own thoughts or beliefs.  I get when someone is speaking on the same page as you and they are aligning with what you are already saying, well, it’s easy to buy into it.  Drink the Kool-Aid, if you will.  BUT what happens when you have a lot of openly opinionated people around you who like to push and sway you to their way of thinking/doing things??

For me this gets exhausting.  I have a trusted Dr. who is helping me straighten out some health issues.  I have a friend who has retired from the same field and gave me her unsolicited advice to improve the same issues but in a different way and it is totally messing with me.  NOT because she offered up her professional expertise.  More of how it was offered up.  

Which went a little like:  “I’m going to tell you why what you are currently doing is no good, the tests won’t be accurate and this is what you should be doing and not give you as much info on why this is better.”  

Instead of saying, “Hey you know what may be a great addition to what you are already doing?  XYZ, and this is why.”  Boom.  Done.  

Now, back to me.  The real problem.  How and why do others affect me so much.  Why do I seem to attract the people who like to guide me, push me, or flat out bully me into their way of doing things.  Is it that I really need that much guidance.  Is it misconstrued empathic energy that gets tangled up in trying to match someone else that I wind up doing what they need instead of what I need?  

I don’t know why but it weighs on me so much.  My family, friends, co-workers.  And I meet such opinionated people who just seem so hell-bent on being right or knowing more or pointing the finger and saying what other people don’t know or why someone is good or bad or whatever.

It is exhausting really.  In writing this I realize I’m not the only one who is caught up, I’m just on a different experience of the whirlwind.  I used to be on the shouting who is right or wrong and making fun of all those who don’t know or “don’t get it”.  But now, I’m on the other side.  The side of there been room for each of us to be different and do what is right for us instead of what is right for everyone  because there is no one right way for everyone.  

It seems more and more we are reaching outside of ourselves for approval, for accredidation, to have permission to be enough.  I skimmed an article about the fitness and weight loss industry and how personal trainers shouldn’t be counseling people in areas of motivation or stress or emotional matters.  To some degree I get it.  To some I don’t.  But the bigger question here is why is it always coming back to training, degrees, certifications, titles, etc.  Why aren’t we just trusting ourselves to connect with the kind of people:  a) we want to be around and associated with be it socially, professionally or as healers and mentors b) trust OURSELVES to be able to be enough without all these additional bells and whistles and titles, etc.  C) trust that each of us can call our own shots and that maybe someone has a personal trainer WHO does connect with them emotionally because they share a similar personal struggle.  

I mean you can’t go to school to learn out of a book what someone faces when wanting to lose weight.  But if you were someone who wanted to lose weight, lost it, got into personal training and then help others, likely you’d be able to relate to some people out there, right? Right.  

We are being told you can’t be effective, or be enough without enough credentials and I think this is spilling over into all areas of our lives.  Be it pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough.  And how is this determined.  By what people tell you, what others think.  I think I’m damn funny a lot of the time because I make myself laugh or I make my toddler laugh.  If I took the stage to stand up I’d be horribly reviewed because I’m not a stand up comedian.  Does that mean I’m not funny?  No.  

I’m not saying people should be able to say they’re a doctor or a pilot when they’ve never gone to med school or step foot on a plane.  I am saying that not every single aspect our lives and ourselves should have to be backed up by some piece of parper or organizing body giving us permission to be who we are or who we may become.  Life experience has no diploma but it has no expiration, it’s always fresh and changing, and it is relateable across the masses!  

2 thoughts on “No Absolute – Not Black or White”

  1. I agree. It’s hard balancing the need for some standard of quality with the need for flexibility and humanity in the system. Can we really depend on the good intentions and capability of individuals?

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