Taking A Step Back

So I just typed a whole entry and then exited without posting…..

Well yesterday I realized that waiting for Andy to get out of jail in three years probably isn’t the smartest thing to do. I love him so much and I can honestly see myself having a future with him but I cant wait three years for that to happen. How can we build a solid foundation for a relationship if we cant even see each other. Yesterday while getting ready for work I did my hair really nice and my makeup was perfect, I just wanted to look good and feel good about myself. While at work I got so many compliments on my hair and a co-worker of mine even hit on me. When he saw me he said “Damn Amanda! You look good today!” Now I’m not saying I’m going to go hook up with him but hearing him say that made me feel really good. I have been saving my feelings, heart, and body for Andy for so long and I’m starting to think its not a good idea. I don’t want to wait three years for a guy whom I’m not even sure wants the same things as me. Right now I just want to go out and party and live my life without feeling guilty. The last thing I want to do is hurt Andy but I have to take care myself too and living three years lonely and depressed isn’t taking care of me. So I’ve decided to tell Andy that I’m still here for him and always will be, because lets face it with all the shit we’ve been through, me still having feelings for him says that I probably always will. But I’m going to live my life how I want to live it. I know he’ll understand because he wouldn’t want me to be all depressed for that long. I feel like if I wait for him to get out, Ill probably resent him for it when he does get out…

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