Hi! I am new to this online journal thing but I thought it may be a great way for me to write or even just vent and in the process maybe get some good advice or be able to give good advice to someone else.
So to give you a short bio on me. I am a mother of three beautiful boys, a full-time employee, as well as a part time student. I have been dating my boyfriend/fiance for 4.5 years now and I hope to someday marry him.
My childhood was always fun, and I had such a loving family, but one day that all changed. My mother, after 12 years or so of being married to my dad decided that she wanted out. At this time I was only in second grade so I didn’t really understand much of what was going on, all I knew was that my family was slowly falling apart. I ended up living with my brother and dad, while my two younger sisters lived with my mom. I bounced back and forth between the two for a while, but eventually stayed with my father. Both my parents turned to drugs and alcohol during this time and it really took a toll on us kids. My mother remarried and her new husband was very physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. I won’t go into much detail because there is quite a lot that plays into this and many instances stick out, almost too many but I remember him beating on my mother quite a bit. I honestly thought that one day he was going to end up killing her, this is the main reason why I chose to live with my dad. My dad on the other hand, being thrown way off when my mother asked for a divorce became a terrible drunk. He became physically abusive towards my brother and I. This eventually led my brother and I to move in with our grandma. As the years passed we both reconnected with our dad and all has been forgiven and life is pretty good now. My dad has since remarried and they have been together for a long time. My step mom and dad have a daughter together and even though she is a little crazy at times I love my little sister more than anything. She is a teen, and we all know how we were at that time in our lives.
On to the next thing. I dated a guy for almost 6 years. I was young and in love. I did everything for this man, but he took all of it for granted. It was one of those “you never know what you have until it’s gone deals.” When he went away for his army training I found out months later that he had cheated on me, not only while away for training, but also while he was home and with one of my close friends at the time. This destroyed me, but I was strong or so it seemed to everyone around and I put it behind me…or so I thought. I never really understood how much that affected my life, even so today. It has played a huge part in my trust for men with whom I have relationships with as well as having destroyed my self confidence. Now I know that this shouldn’t have affected my life as it did, but being young and having this happen really tends to screw with your emotions. This lack of trust that I have takes a huge toll on my relationship today with my fiance, but he had the same situation happen to him with his ex-wife. She slept with one of his best friends who was living with them at the time. Either way to say we have struggled over the past several years is an understatement.
For now I am going to end this posting and I will journal more tomorrow and start where I left off.