Glorified Ignorance and Hedonism

I am always looking for trouble but I’m not very good at finding it. Trying to balance indulgence and ambition. Trying to keep my head on during the week. I find myself disobeying my common sense for the hell of it, hoping something exciting will find me.

I’m waiting for something to hit me. Maybe reality. Maybe a bus. 

I want to be understated, like all of my favorite things. Don’t take me seriously. I certainly don’t. I’m living in a fantasy world for hours at a time. When I can afford it. To forget that I have a body, let alone a mind. 

They tell me I have to form complete sentences. Red pen all over me, spilling onto my sheets. None of the pros do. Why train myself to make art I don’t like? I like the singers with the quivering voices and the shitty mics and the cracks in their words.

I just need my fix. Balance me right out. Take me out of my head so I can sit right for another few weeks. I don’t want to ever need anything, but I love to ruin myself. What does it mean to need something anyway? I don’t need anything. Only food and water to stay alive. But I don’t need to stay alive. I don’t need anything. Unless we’re talking about happiness. Do we need to be happy though?

Propagating the worst version of myself. The reality is somewhere in between, but we’re all pretty dramatic here, so I figure it’s alright.

I like feedback.

5 thoughts on “Glorified Ignorance and Hedonism”

  1. I’m curious as to what your fix is?

    Although maybe I don’t understand what you’re saying, I do have to point out, again, that your write in such a way, I could read it all night.
    How beautiful.
    We do need to be happy. It’s what we strive for, whether we realize it or not.

  2. Girl I do love your writing. It moves me…I think I get it. Dancing on the edge of the cliff…I mean if we don’t do that sometimes…what’s the point? Balanced on the edge, a balancing act. Don’t want to go over because you wanna live to dance on that edge again! I marked you as a fave.

  3. Perfection in imperfection, Beauty in destruction. To be eccentric is to be odd the be odd is to be different. Perfection is always to be strived for, such and average concept. Stepping out side of the normal and letting the crazy out of the box. The box of crazy something most never even know is there much less open.

  4. @Colors of forgiveness
    Yeah, I’m kind of trying to figure that out myself. I’m glad you like it. I’m not writing about anything different than anyone else thinks about. My topics of interest aren’t by any means sophisticated. I just want something exciting. And when I get pent up and all in my head, I write. I’m just your average teenage doof, looking to placate their body and loose their mind. I should really be out there looking for satisfaction rather than whining about it to a bunch of strangers online. But then I couldn’t justify my stupidity with some claim at artistry.

    I appreciate it! Validation accepted! I’m just in this place in my life right now where that’s all I want to do. And I’m clearly very dramatic about it. 5real I just need to get fucked.

    Again, I have little to no idea what the hell you’re talking about but it sure sounds profound.

  5. I reread this tonight. I was thinking “trouble” is not quit the right word for it.

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