I’m the type of person who wants to always get everything done, and well. When I get bad grades on some of my assignments I HAVE to know why it is I got the grade I got, to understand what I could do better. The same with my friends, if someone is upset I try to understand what it is that is making them feel that way, and hope to help them.
However, ever since I’ve been to college it’s been getting harder. It’s harder to wake up in the morning, go to class, then work, and do homework for hours on end. I don’t get to have much fun when my life consists of purely homework.
Lately however, I’ve been feeling really down. I feel inadequate with my abilities, and I don’t seem to know why. I’m a vocal performance major in Arizona; and let me tell you….it’s a hard major. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried in my lessons or after, how many times I’ve wanted to pull my own hair out, how many times I’ve wanted to quit.
Right now, it’s one of those times again. I love music, don’t get me wrong, but I just don’t feel where I think I should be. If it wasn’t for music I wouldn’t be the person I am now, or be where I am. I can’t see myself doing anything else that I love, and that scares me also.
What if I can’t make a career in music, what will I do then? I think that’s what’s getting to me. Yeah it sucks, and yea my mind won’t shut up now, but what else can I do? Is giving up really an option? What would my family think? What would I do then? Will it make me happy?
It scares me to be thinking about these things, but these are legitimate questions. The biggest question though, is it time to switch after all the years I’ve devoted my life to music? Could I really do that to myself and let the world know I wasn’t cut out for this? I don’t want to give up, but I’m scared it’ll all be for nothing. What should I do?