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The Heartbreak of a lifetime

I am not really sure if it is okay to post 2 journals in the same night but the hell with it.This is a little story about the shattering of my heart.So maybe 3 years ago i had met this really sweet and amazing guy but we never really met in person but we started talking and really hit it off.Well at this point in my life i was super  stupid and thought everything was a game but i will save that for another story,but anyways we started dating but the catch is i wasn’t really who i said i was.I created a fake account and posed as some Oklahoma girl.Well anyways we started talking for awhile and i never thought that it would form into anything serious until after 3 months of us flirting and texting over the phone turned into late night convos and exchanging i love yous we really loved each other but on my end of the line i felt awful because he didn’t know anything about me or who i really was and i wanted to tell him but he had come all this way with me i did not want to let him down.Well we started to date and we dated for 9 months and then one night he accidentally Skyped the real girl i was catfishing him with and he was asking her questions and the girl was like who are you and she told him she doesn’t know him and that is when the truth came out he cried and said he couldn’t love me anymore and just made me feel really bad i was so hurt and he told me that he couldn’t love someone as fake as me and that when he saw the real me he gaged. At this point i was so sad and was just regretting everything.A year and a half later i receive a text saying “Jordyn is this still your number i miss you and shit happeneds but i forgive you and really miss you”i just stared at my phone and within an hour later i replied “Hey Jacob yes you are correct shit does happen but that was not an easy thing to go through.I miss you to but i moved on.You left me heartless and yes you may have trust issues because of me and i am truly deeply sorry but i can’t even bare to talk to you anymore and truthfully  you suck.” He later replied saying i can go f**** myself saying i meant nothing and never would be and from that day forward i longed for something i knew i never could find LOVE.

 

 

Another year has passed and i met a guy from school His name was chase and he  was really weird he wasn’t the typical guy i would go for.We hung out countless times to the point where we became addicted to each other.The summer came around and that was the best summer a person could ask for.All the endless summer nights of dancing and parties this summer was the summer i danced and partied all my troubles away.We snuck each other in places we spray painted walls in abandoned buildings we took endless pictures.The cravings we had for each other were so surreal gosh that was the best feeling anyone could have.Well summer came to and end and we finally had hooked up and it felt like it actually meant something.2 months after summer had ended i would text and get no reply,i would call and still receive no answer,we would see each other and i would say hello and he would look as if i was no longer worthy of him.The only thought in my head was i that stupid to not see that all of this was just for the summer,that this thing between us meant nothing,that i meant nothing to him,i felt so freaking used and i just couldn’t bare.I cried endless nights with all the flashbacks of us we just seemed so happy. Months go by and i moved on.

 

 

Then there is Steven he is phenomenal looking but i knew that it could be a trap so i kept up my walls.We remained friends for awhile but then you know i took down all my barriers and fell in love with this guy because he seemed different.i was wrong he cursed at me and made me feel like nothing once AGAIN lol at this point i gave up he left me for his ex girlfriend and yeah.

 

 

Here comes Jeffery we were friends for forever we became boyfriend and girlfriend and dated for 2 years and still do and i am proud but then he cheats on me 3 times and i cheated on him once with the heart breaker chase and it causes us to break up but the =n weeks later we realized people make mistakes and now we are still going on strong for 3 years now he i s my soul mate.He is what i have been longing for.He makes me super happy.

 

The present.

Jacob and i are now really close friends but he ended up moving to California and we still facetime and things we both forgave each other and i would do anything for him.

Steven we kept breaking up and getting back together until recently i finally broke it off and he called me easy and started embarrassing me on social media so yeah we still walk the same halls and gosh is he getting cuter and cuter but he is just another story in my book and i have to move on because i know nothing between us will ever work and yes whenever he gets wasted and high he hits me up saying he misses me but i try to not fall for it but i do catch myself missing him at times but i know that i have lots of other problems to worry about so i try and move on.

 

 

there you have it 

2 thoughts on “The Heartbreak of a lifetime”

  1. Hi Jordyn,

    You can post as much as you want. This is your space. Enjoy the freedom of it.

    Having said that, can I give you some “motherly” type advice? (And I can sincerely tell you my past relationships from my teenage years VERY closely matches yours.)

    You’re in high school so I’m guessing you’re around 16/17 and you’ve had 4 very serious relationships that you’ve invested so much of yourself in that you’re literally crushed when they end. Sweetie, invest all that love you’ve got to give in yourself. You are worth it! You’ve got fire and spirit.

    These guys are young and they are still learning about relationships too. Depending on them for faithful love and support is like relying on a two year old to tell you if your make up looks good. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date or enjoy some masculine company… but learn how to love you first and foremost. Put yourself first because these guys won’t. My guess is they help you fill a void in your life (I’ve been there).

    Hope that helps. Keep smiling. You’ve got some amazing energy.

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