Too much things make me sad

It’s one of the worst days today.. It started normally and seems to finish as it is now__ sad and hopeless.. What makes me extremely sad it is death.. Mum’s cousin’s husband died today and he left 5 year-old little boy with mother. Death always tears me apart . Especially after October this year, when my loving teacher died it left me terrible feeling of expecting that someone loving is gonna die soon. It gets me mad and sometimes i just want to cry out loud. 

I’m scared of everyone i love, just everyone . It makes me want sometimes to tell warm words people who i feel at least something. But i know i will regret then. When everything seems ok it sounds too strange to say these words when i realize. 

Ah…my studies is normally ..but i want more and more.. Today i was in a shock and them math slipped my mind slightly. 

Today dad is coming. I want my parents to be next to me just all the time but dad has strange temper. He smokes and when he doesnt have it to smoke everything gets on his nerves and he shouts to me and mom. I dont want him to shout mum , i dont care about myself. Just i need quiet place to concentrate on my studies..but anyway i wont let him turn the tv on. (We have only room) 

Civic olympiad results arent ready yet. I only want it to find out only for being a bit more confident in myself that i pass it well on entrance exam too, anyway i’m not interested.. Either i will go throught the next one and get awards or not i bear it both..

ah..death still took my mind off…

God bless everyone!!! Just everyone !!! 

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