Transcendence

Throughout my day I go threw my ups and downs. They can be Everest level ups and bottom of an ocean down. Most of the time I try to keep my self in the middle, even then I still am down. I understand what I did was wrong I do, but you don’t seem to get me. Hell I don’t even get me. I thought writing this out (or in this case typing it out) would help me express myself, and to a degree I feel like my thoughts do come out clearer. One thing that doesn’t come out is my feelings. It could be my lack of writing experience/skill, my age, or a plethora of reasons. I can’t convey emotion or feeling, I mean it is my first time writing,but who knows it might change. Still I’m not getting my point across to you (you know who you are). I know I shouldn’t have lied and I should’ve listen when you asked; but hear it from my point. You never liked me using it and when I did you’d give me this face of disgust and an annoynce and I can hear you saying “Ughhh….seriously (void) you’re using it right now. I hate that stupid (void).” I know it wasn’t just you you said it was your (void) who didn’t like it either and I get that. You came to despise it and the near mentioned of it could ruin the mood. You came to hate it cause of personal and past experience, plus of things I did. Think the K.T. I know what we did in that was wrong and I realized it not at first but after what you told me on the phone. Hearing you feel scared of me that showed me the error of my ways. My sins. I left, but you need to know it was only who talked and showed us it, we feel into a dark hole cause of it, but we got out. The Damage had been done and you lost a lot of faith in me that day.I just want you to know what you read was not going back into the K.T. 2.0. It was an entirely different (Void)where I wasn’t invited, because in a previous (Void) I added to many people, it was a joke I played. I was punished and banished from it. When word came around they had started one again with me I asked them to let me join once more. It went unheeded and I was left alone. That’s what it was not K.T. 2.0. When the previous incident happened with him, please know I was in shock I didn’t know how to react. I talked to my M.O.M.about it, it wasn’t much help as o thought would be. So I sought guidance of those whom might know your thought process. Other individuals who know what’s its like to be a (Void)Some showed aspects of you others not so much I just wanted to know what would compel someone to do that. I’ll be honest I asked like 7-10 people what it ment both opposite (Voids)Its too many and that and the lying I wholeheartedly accept my mistake. I’m trying to come clean and say it hadn’t been the first I sought advice from others, not as many but other nonetheless. I’m Trying to come clean and leave all cards on the table. They don’t know about those times, but I’m sorry for not telling you. I’m not a lier, I promise. I shouldn’t have said it was my M.O.M. and told the truth, but I never get to hear from (Void). He’s in the army it’s not easy to get in contact, when I call he’s not always there. I’m sorry. Another thing how I spoke is just how I am plus a million swear words. I just talk like that, the way I talk is how I’m accustomed to speak. Especially amongst friends, we have a darker sense of humor. Don’t think I’m some other person cause of the way I speak. I’m the still the same (Void) you feel in love with. I know this is too damn long and even then I still things I didn’t go across. Either 1. I forgot or 2. I’m too damn lazy to go back and add them, you know me. I hope this clears up some stuff or it might be something I told you once already I don’t know I’m not sure.. All I know is jus let me hear what you think. Finally o still love you, like a lot.Enough to be here for about 45 mins writing this and telling you my thoughts. I love you (Void).

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