conflicted girl

Why is it easy to forget the hurt and the pain and hard to forget the love you share? You cheated, you lied, you hurt me, yet I still love you. I know you are not good for me, yet I want all this to magically go away and be fixed  like Band-Aid. I stayed away from you, the more I do the more women you find and talk to. You drift away, and I hurt more than you being with me. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Feel better that you are not hurting me anymore, knowing that you did not love me the same way I did, but in my mind defending the thought of losing you. I gave my all, but you did not. I weep every night, every morning, as if you died on me. The person I thought you were is GONE. How do I get over this when knowing you are physically only a few blocks away from me? I start to blame myself for your actions, I almost believed for a minute and questioned myself, maybe it is me. Then I remembered everything you did, and you had no reason to do so. In your eyes, you think you did nothing wrong. In my heart and everyone else’s eyes, we all know you were wrong. A man who supposedly love a woman, does not do any of the things you did that you assumed was normal. Again, how do I GET OVER YOU? How do I block this pain you unknowingly cause? I pray, and pray for answers. I miss you so. I want your love that I believed you had for me inside. Your touch. Then I remember, the angry, frustrations, pain, loneliness, and cry for attention from you. Such a conflicted girl am I. Go away……………or I go away.

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