Another sad today

Lying under the blanket writing this journal may seems something cute but what is happening around me is too far to call cute…

lets start with the main news… Civic olympiad results were published today. I scored 33/55 . It’s terrible result i know…most of my mates scored higher than me and i’m really tired of being number 100000…… One boy , my friend scored 40)) no i’m not jealous of course. I will be happy if he passes ..but my less knowledge really makes me feel sad. He says all the time to me that i’m very clever but i cant believe anyone like i do myself. I know what is inside of my brain and maybe it’s more than some ones but less than others…i dont know why he always praises me and tells i’m genius. Have no idea. He is definitely much more better than me …and i always say it to him…

and my fears still suffers me …

it’s second terrible feeling after last year’s feelings… still stuck with me and i’m scared it will again..

i’m scared of everything as if i expect something bad to happen…

i’m tired of it but dont know how to get over …..

3 thoughts on “Another sad today”

  1. Mishelle, maybe you have generalized anxiety disorder. There are medications to help with that. You may want to talk to your doctor.
    Don’t put yourself down. Intellect is not the only gift God hands out. You have gifts you may not have even identified yet. Seek them out, and then let your light shine! with joy!

  2. “We are our own worst critic” those words are very true. At your age, I understand being scared of everything as you say – you’re technically an adult, but mentally some of us still aren’t grasping it at 30 or after. There are no definitive answers on how to live life, or walk your path – but regardless of your friend and his score, what matters is that you tried your best and it gave you the score that you got. Not everyone has the same pockets of talent/skill/intelligence, and maybe yours are different than his, but not worse, not less than, just different.
    Find the things you are not only good at but enjoy doing, and I promise the other stuff doesn’t seem so important – and when you do that and stop comparing yourself to others, it will take a TON of pressure off of your shoulders and you’ll feel a lot better.
    Be the best YOU that you can be, after all there’s only one of you in this world and as they say, you were born to stand out, so own it girl. 🙂

  3. Thank you both :))) i appreciate your advices:))

    Well i have to add that i’m not the one very stupid.. I study well. I’m finishing school with gold medal and i have other successes too but i always want more and more from myself and sometimes it gets me feel deppressed . I always compare myself to the ones who are smarter than me , cause comparing with someone who isn’t better than me will never give me a progress. Maybe i’m too fast and the best things are yet to happen :)))

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