This is our last day of exams.. I feel a lot better now.. my mother is here now and I feel so much better.. when she’s not here in the house I really feel so unsafe.. I’m scared of a lot of things but when she’s around I feel so secured.. we argue a lot though.. among us, siblings.. I have the most misunderstandings with her.. sometimes she doesn’t get my point.. but when we argue I really do my best to just keep quiet.. I don’t want to speak with anger coz I know that would just worsen the situation.. and I might said hurtful words that I can’t take back.. among us siblings.. I am the most sensitive.. even in the simplest things.. I get mad easily and I cry easily on certain topics and movies.. she scolds me for being overly sensitive sometimes..  

Today is fine.. we went to the mall again.. but not to the same mall yesterday.. nothing much happened but it is better than yesterday for sure…

A friend of mine shared a status of someone claiming that they accommodated the German national last year.. honestly.. i don’t know how true this is.. they thought he was already back in Germany coz they helped him contact his friend which is said to be a priest and gave him a pocket money.. the news surprised them too.. they found out that he lied about his fiance.. he also lied about losing 200 000 pesos.. he did that so that the embassy would believe why he can’t go back to Germany yet.. he don’t want to go home coz he have lots of cases there.. 

I don’t know how to continue this now.. 

I really don’t know why but lately…I am always scared.. of a lot of things.. I am scared of strangers.. but only the older ones.. I’m scared of being alone like even in our own house.. I’m scared of going out of our house if it’s past 7 or when it’s already dark outside.. I am scared of a lot of animals.. even in insects.. or the small ones and the simplest things I shouldn’t be.afraid of.. I am scared of a lot of things.. and I don’t like it.. I don’t want to live with fears.. I am trying overcome and fight it as much as I can.. most of the people around me doesn’t know this.. I think they barely even know the real me.. 

One thought on “Better..”

  1. Lots of scares i do have too.. And the most torturing one is a fear of losing someone i love. And when my parents arent around i start to imagine something bad happened and it tears me apart everyday. I’ scared of phone calls thinking maybe something bad news is gonna be said…..

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