Today started out with me fiddling with the laptop’s microphone for about half an hour before it finally started to work again. Honestly, I don’t even know what I did to fix it–because I am horrible with technology and never have any idea what to do when I’m using computers/smartphones. Seriously. I am incapable of dealing with the smallest problems that occur when it comes to the internet/machinery/actually most stuff.
I was planning on writing a nice, long, blathering, emotional journal today, but somehow, every single time I sit down, my mind short circuits and shuts down. I never have any idea what to write. It’s bad enough that I never know what to say in real life–I sound 1000x more articulate online/on paper than I do when I’m actually speaking–but many times I find that I can’t get my thoughts out coherently with a pen or a keyboard, either.
And the worst thing is that everything I want to say sounds all nice and articulate in my head. I’ll be laying on my bed having a sort of ~out-of-body~ ~existential crisis~, and I’ll be thinking, Yeah, that’s how the story goes, dialogue here, descriptive words there, plot twist in that chapter–and then I’ll get up and uncap my pen and just stare at my empty notebook for a quarter of an hour before giving up. Then, when I do manage to write something, it normally sounds awful and stilted and unnatural; or else I just manage to get down a single paragraph, before losing all of my inspiration. Writing about myself is easier; I can normally find something to obsess over and write a page about; but writing stories is awful. It feels like I’ve lost all momentum and can’t keep writing anymore, which is terrifying, because I live to write and write to live. I have been telling stories for my entire life–it’s why I love movies and YouTuber’s vlogs–I need to write and read something every day. Obviously, there will always be things to read–I haven’t even started my list of unread books. But what if I can’t get out of this writing rut I’m in?
You have no idea how agonizing it is to not be able to put your thoughts to words.
Anyhoo, it’s Friday!! *Busts out a huge radio and starts blasting Rebecca Black’s “Friday”* No, I’m just kidding, that song is awful. But anyway, have a great weekend and stay chill.