Gloomy Days

Sometimes the sun inside my soul does not shine! Sometimes when i am at my most spiritual moments i am sitting on a rock far off in the middle of the woods. Meditation has helped me over and over again many times. I am new to many things coming from such a distorted and twisted life but i will be alright. Everything is new to me. I have a new relationship now and then man I decided i loved is not a bad man he is just has a warped sense of thinking sometime. He wiped after asking me was i wearing knee capres coffee on my clothes but it was alright because i dumped the rest onto him. Honestly i want him to pay bills but that aint going to happen only to help me without an argument or fail and because that was our arrangement. I hate it  when he lies to me which is quite often but yet I love his smile. I always said any relationship i had I would take my time but this time i jumped head first and sometimes it is not such a good idea. Right now we are building things but i am unsure if he is building a house with me or waiting to build his own house and dreams somewhere else. His lies are not good and i catch them every seem time.He has never been sorry for any of the 100 mistakes that he has created or made in his entire life and that right there is a major cause for concern because when someone is like that they have taken on the role of the narcaccist. This is my life one page, one word, and one ounce of hope at a time. I don’t know if things will change but with me they always do. My lights not gone, the past didn’t kill me yet and for the most part i have a good head on my shoulders. Julie

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