First this Sunday morning let me apologize to all those people who I have passed at one point or another in my life who were visisibly or invisibily dealing with this or whatever else at the time.  I’m sorry for my callous and uncaring thoughts of ‘you can deal with it, it can’t be all THAT bad now.  What, you are tired, can’t eat.  Well put something in.  You HAVE to eat.  Keep up your strength and all.   Sorry mom for when you fell getting off the airboat in florida.  While you sat in the condo I’m sure now in pain, though I couldn’t or wouldn’t understand at the time, we were at Disney.  What a little bitch I must have been.  To an elderly neighbor going through this when I was younger.  I knew you were behind that window probably lying in a bed.  What kind of pain were you made to endure.  Cancer.  As a younger person at the time what the hell is that.  Just get up.  Come on outside.  The sun is shining.  Come sit on your patio.  It will make you feel better.  Truth be told I NEVER once even saw that lady even though she lived right across the little alleyway.  Hell I was a kid and had things to do.  But every once in a while I remember looking at your window and wondering.  Help me God. 

Yesterday was well yesterday.  Can’t get too far without being gross here but truth be told I shit green folks.  Two times.  While at work.  Mark my schedule.  Everything takes so much longer to do.  Can’t stand that.  Ate and drank small stuff.  Ignore my blue gatoraid stash please.  Maybe I need to join the Secret Stash Society.  Also had an Ensure Plus chocolate.  Ok.  The son drove me so I wouldn’t have to do it myself.  I traded with Joann at the end (took front door) and heard his truck horn outside.  Just 20 more minutes.  He brought Buddy.  Terri wanted to see him so bad.  He was soooo wound up when he got home.   He likes his Aunt Terri.  Bacon bits will do that.  First shower then eat.  Tried some oatmeal about ½ of it and the husband made a pumpkin pie.  Don’t get too thrilled here – a frozen one pop in the oven kind but hey I like pumpkin pie so I said yes but just a sliver.  One taste with whipped cream and NO WAY.  Tasted like lousy metal. 

 Put it in the fridge.  Quick email check and crash.  Knew I couldn’t make it the next day.  No way.  Legs felt like I have no muscle among other feelings that currently escape me.  I’ll make it easy for you.  Think of a body part and it hurts.  Hands have little cuts on them AGAIN (Maryann knows about this).  Peed throughout the night.  Sorry but I’m not going to stand there waiting to do the second flush thingy.   The brother messaged me about researching foods that fight cancer and who have I told about this.  And no the other brother still doesn’t know.  These things take time and strength which I don’t have right now – wait make that strength.  Made some hard boiled eggs had 2 with Ensure.  Wish I had the dreaded but necessary salt.  I didn’t but wish I did.  Gatoraid burns right now.  Hey guys even my tongue hurts.  Then the first semi fight with the husband about an issue regarding the son and how I always have to take others sides and show the rosy picture EXCEPT when it comes to him.  Got to get away from you like NOW.  You don’t listen to everything.  I leave room and get this freakin cat out of my room.  And Keep my door CLOSED.  He does nothing but mooch.  The next 3 days my new best friend.  My bed.  Truth be told this was only treatment number 1.  I just don’t know. 






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