I’m an empath, and an altruist. Both to a fault. If you don’t know what one or either are because you aren’t familiar with the terminology that’s okay. It basically means that I not only feel what others emanate energy-wise, but I also put them first, often leading to my own suffering and draining myself to a point that I feel faded, unreal and lost.
Sometimes, I can be surrounded by a crowd of dozens or more and I feel alone. Completely, utterly, devastatingly alone. I’m loved and cared for by those that matter, except myself and therein lies the conundrum.
I have an issue setting boundaries, and the word ‘no’ without an explanation simply doesn’t happen in my world. Until lately.
I’m starting a journey of caring for myself, a journey of becoming a better, healthier, more enlightened version of me and it’s requiring quite a bit of work – the issue is that it makes other people unhappy and therefore I feel as if I need to continue doing what they need me to so that I don’t disappoint them. It’s a vicious cycle and I am worn out, something has to give and this time it won’t be my time for self.
I have to be selfish temporarily so that I can do better for others and myself permanently. It still doesn’t make this process any less complicated or exhausting.
Wish me luck, I’m gonna need it.