Stay or go… if you have read any of my other posts – you may know that I’m relocating with my spouse and son away from my immediate family to an area with his immediate family.
And I can’t stop changing my mind about staying or going – it is awful. I’m an adult, I should be able to make a decision and not be so freaked out by leaving, it’s not like I’m moving that far away or going completely alone.
Then again – I’m leaving a place I’ve known for 33 years and counting…and I’m leaving the comfort of my own family and the familiarity of knowing their quircks vs the unknown of my in-laws.
Mostly – I’ll miss my Mom — I know we’ll see each other but it’s not as much and just the comfort of knowing she’s only a few minutes away vs a long drive or few hours by plane is a lot more to handle.
So I keep changing my mind – up and down up and down. It’s hard to even know what I want because when I think of saying goodbye I just get so overwhelmed. Like serious inner child issues here.
There are many things I love about staying here and there’s a lot I don’t love about the area. There is much I want to experience and I definitely don’t want to wake up in five, ten, or twenty years and think, I was just too scared so I never jumped….
but right now…jumping…it’s scary. It’s a lot. It’s overwhelming – it’s exhausting. We are breaking the news to my family or have been over the last week and it’s taken a lot out of me.
I know I can handle this but at the same time I also don’t want to feel alone there – I don’t want to feel alone when my husband is out of town for work and I’m somewhere without friends and in need of help or company but not totally comfortable yet with his family. Granted this won’t be often but it’ll still come up.
I don’t want to let him down and make him feel like he is stuck here forever either… but I know he’d make the sacrifice if I asked him too. Darn it nice person caretaker – makes it so tempting to just stay safe in my comfort zone.
Anyone else go through this and have a lot of overwhelming feelings and doubts in the process??