What’s the point anymore?
Before I get started into too much depth, I am not exactly just saying what is the point of life and that I want to die, but what is the point anymore? I’ve officially reached the point of feeling so broken that tears don’t even come down my face anymore. My emotions are mundane, they don’t truly exist. I can’t talk to people about my feelings anymore, because the answers are becoming repetitive. People are tired of giving their advice all for me to chase the pain again… In a way, I think the pain is what is helping me continue. It’s the one thing that I can feel. I don’t feel the happiness, the anger, the love..I feel the pain, and the pain lingers away at my soul.
Miserable. That pretty much describes me, and the funny thing is that my mask is blistering away. People are being able to see my true pain. I no longer can hide what tears at me. I normally commend myself with not allowing people to see the demons that eat at me daily, but now the demons are out in the open. Dragging me down with every step I take, showing what I feel. I have lost. Let the sadness and the brokenness take over, but why? What is the point?
See the question makes it hard to live, but also hard to die. There is literally no point. We walk through life making relationships, destroying relationships, going to work, to school, loving people, hating people… All for what? It’s irrelevant. Life is seeming to be the most relevant thing, but also the most irrelevant.
I just don’t want to have to pick myself up and keep going, keep fighting this seemingly losing battle. I need to know there is a point. That a year and a half wasted has a point, that pain has a point, that happiness will eventually win. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of continuing on. I wish I didn’t have to, or that I could walk through life without my blistering mask.
So ultimately, whats the point.