Heartbeat

My heart races, beating in my throat

Pain pulses throughout my entire body

Mind racing that tortures me to the core of my being

Body exhausted yet in shock and cannot sleep

Fear consumes my every thought, fear that this will never end

I clutch as hard as I can onto my stuffed frog as I scream into pillows in pain

I wear his hoodie as it’s the only thing that can comfort me right now

Each sound I hear is so loud it hurts my ears and makes me wish I was deaf

I struggle to keep myself together, crying out to God for help, for relief

Nothing I do stops this pain, comfort is seldom

Sleep is my only escape but tonight it seems like even that is too much to ask

Fighting off seizures as my eyes roll and my teeth clench so hard

I struggle to get deep breaths in, it feels like an elephant is on my chest

My heart is still beating away, so hard and so fast

My heart isn’t peaceful, quiet and beating normally like his was when I rested on his chest

Nothing can bring me happiness right now, I can’t stop crying

I feel fear, anger, pain

The only love I feel is for him because he’s the only comfort I ever get

I just want this nightmare to end, I want something to eventually work

I want a life full of happiness and laughter and love again

I want to have what I’ve always dreamed of and more

If I just keep holding on I’m told it will get better, but how?

As long as my heart is still beating and I’m still breathing I have a chance

 

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