An Open Letter For A Friend

I’m imagining myself inside that four concrete walled room again. Trapped. Barely breathing. Losing hope. Drowning.

You like someone else. I never thought this day would come, but it’s happening now. So I’m here. Trapped in my own torture cell – imagining what happens after you’re in your first relationship. It’s gonna be painful to watch and all I could do is smile. Smile, even if the searing pain digs inside my bone. Smile, until I no longer feel the gnawing jealousy. Smile, until it doesn’t hurt anymore. Because maybe, just maybe, pretending I’m okay will make things better one day.

So I’m gonna lend you now, my dear friend, even if you were never mine. I’m gonna let you go even if I never held you. Be happy for your choice, because you already ignored the one who truly loves you. Yes, you deserve to claim your happiness but sadly, mine is you. 

I already know in the first place where I should stand when this day comes – be a friend. And I crossed the line when I admitted that I like you. So dont be sorry that you hurt me because I accept the consequences. It’s my fault because I broke the law of friendship; I lost first. And this must end now because I can’t live my life forever paying for my honest mistake. 

You dont know this. And that’s the worst part of it all. 


– Your friend


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