I can’t remember anymore
It’s like the old me is dead and never coming back
I cannot recall what it’s like to be free
To be free to feel happiness and raw emotion
To look outside and see a sunny day and appreciate it
To feel the cool spring air on your skin and smile
To have positive thoughts only, to laugh, to love
I hold on daily hoping for answers hoping for relief
Each day I hide my pain, my mental torture, my physical anguish
If others knew how bad it was they’d be even more worried for me
So for now I hide and hope that one day I will be free
Years will pass before I know it, it’s already been 2 1/2 now
Suffering day in and day out asking to be taken home by God
Asking my family members to allow me to let go
The pain and symptoms worsen with each passing year
I never knew it could get this bad and I didn’t know that getting better meant hurting more
Will I ever get myself back?
Will I ever run and jump and play again?
Will I ever have my mind back?
Will I ever read, watch movies, sing songs again?
Will I ever see the day when the bed is no longer where I reside all day and night?
Will I ever find someone that will love me even if this never happens?
Bound and chained to my body and mind, this is prison, isolation, torture
I deserve to be set free instead of caged like a bird
I feel like I’m being punished day in and day out that I’m suffering because I did something
Facing every single day knowing it won’t be any different is hard
I just want…. to be free.