To Be Free

I can’t remember anymore

It’s like the old me is dead and never coming back

I cannot recall what it’s like to be free

To be free to feel happiness and raw emotion

To look outside and see a sunny day and appreciate it

To feel the cool spring air on your skin and smile

To have positive thoughts only, to laugh, to love

I hold on daily hoping for answers hoping for relief

Each day I hide my pain, my mental torture, my physical anguish

If others knew how bad it was they’d be even more worried for me

So for now I hide and hope that one day I will be free

Years will pass before I know it, it’s already been 2 1/2 now

Suffering day in and day out asking to be taken home by God

Asking my family members to allow me to let go

The pain and symptoms worsen with each passing year

I never knew it could get this bad and I didn’t know that getting better meant hurting more

Will I ever get myself back?

Will I ever run and jump and play again?

Will I ever have my mind back?

Will I ever read, watch movies, sing songs again?

Will I ever see the day when the bed is no longer where I reside all day and night?

Will I ever find someone that will love me even if this never happens?

Bound and chained to my body and mind, this is prison, isolation, torture

I deserve to be set free instead of caged like a bird

I feel like I’m being punished day in and day out that I’m suffering because I did something

Facing every single day knowing it won’t be any different is hard

I just want…. to be free.

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