Clean from cocaine. day 1

Today is my Birthday , but i will not celebrate, or be happy or even content that this birthday is here. I am 45 today , and today my only gift to myself is Hope. Hope that i can stop using recreational drugs (cocaine, or what have you) 

I have been struggling with addiction for most of my youth , and most of my adult life. Accumulating maybe eight years sobriety since i was 17 years of age.  I want desperately to change, but its so hard. I went to treatment a few months back, and yesterday was clean for 4 months and 1 day . I Messed up again , like I tend to do , but I am hopeful that i can turn this around.

I am trying to figure out where I went wrong, but its a tough one. I let things get busy. I got to wrapped up in my life, and stopped focusing on my recovery the disease of addiction . Fresh out of treatment i wanted to work , and earn money and keep myself busy , and thats exactly what i did .. but it was all to soon. I needed to relax a little. Let life soak in , let myself enjoy the little things .

My focus today is on getting more help. I have friends who are in recovery , and i am going to get my ass to a meeting. Then clean up my apartment and get through this first day clean

Song for the day 

C > SufferingAddict

6 thoughts on “Clean from cocaine. day 1”

  1. It is, as they say, the first day of the rest of your life. The struggle is worth it, dear. Ask God for help. You are on the right track! Good for you!!

  2. I actually may be able to help you. If you would like to reach out I have a lot of information on this topic and would be more than willing to help you. I think I actually know where you went wrong biased on what you have said. I study human behavior and addiction actually. Sadly most of the information and “help” out there for addicts is very wrong and causes many to dye from addiction every day.

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