Today is my Birthday , but i will not celebrate, or be happy or even content that this birthday is here. I am 45 today , and today my only gift to myself is Hope. Hope that i can stop using recreational drugs (cocaine, or what have you)
I have been struggling with addiction for most of my youth , and most of my adult life. Accumulating maybe eight years sobriety since i was 17 years of age. I want desperately to change, but its so hard. I went to treatment a few months back, and yesterday was clean for 4 months and 1 day . I Messed up again , like I tend to do , but I am hopeful that i can turn this around.
I am trying to figure out where I went wrong, but its a tough one. I let things get busy. I got to wrapped up in my life, and stopped focusing on my recovery the disease of addiction . Fresh out of treatment i wanted to work , and earn money and keep myself busy , and thats exactly what i did .. but it was all to soon. I needed to relax a little. Let life soak in , let myself enjoy the little things .
My focus today is on getting more help. I have friends who are in recovery , and i am going to get my ass to a meeting. Then clean up my apartment and get through this first day clean
Song for the day
C > SufferingAddict