And sad days again…

You know what i want now? To go away somewhere where no one just no one will ever be and nothing will ever exist just besides me. I’m tired of everything and it seems impossible just to let every feeling out of my brain…heart….

i hate my family even if i thought i was happy about having it. I hate cause it’s nothing with family. I’ve never felt any support in it and mostly i feel it’s not a place where i belong to.

my father is a smoker. He is a slave of ciggarettes and whenever he doesnt have them he irritates easily and starts to shout at me and mum even if we aren’t any guilty about something…

today was awful in other way too.. The results of one competition published today. I needed only 3 more scores to pass 2nd round. From my school i am the only one ( among 4) who didnt pass and it really broke my heart. Not only because not passing, just the main reason for being so sad was that i really did much for it to enhance my last year’s result and i scored even worse.. How many mornings i woke up very early ( with my friend. She also couldnt pass) just to exercise for this competition. Last year i did nothing and i scored better.. This kind of things happen very often in my life ….

( dont misunderstand and think that i’m someone fool who decided to become clever in short time. No ! I have been studying well for my whole life ..just i’m so-called “unlucky” who isnt fortunative . Just what is my blame? What else can do but trying harder and harder?……) 

i am losing my hope that all my works are lost with no direction…And i fear i wont ever be able to be among the best ones…

I was exercising in English when dad started to shout …then my eyes became as teary as i couldnt go on reading my task and understanding the meaning of text. 

Yes, very often i feel so useless at my own home. He often says that i can go anywhere if i dont want a family but i’ve never ever given a reason him to think so… 

He is outside right now. I know he will come into the room and continue screaming like a lion.

just what a life i have…..i hate everything ..there’s no one who could help me …well i have one very good friend but i cant tell her what is happening in my family…

only negative things happen for these days… I think nothing will ever make me happy anymore… I’m like the boat which is only floating cause is has no other way out…..

i wanna sleep forever. 

One thought on “And sad days again…”

  1. Somehow I can relate to you.. and about your score.. don’t stress yourself too much.. I know you did your best.. and I want to let you know.. you could always tell me about your problems.. if you feel like you are alone.. you could always talk to me..

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