Sometimes I think that you do little things just to make my heart to skip a beat. I might be wrong but it seems that you know that I don’t want you anymore but you know I still deeply care. When your name comes up on my phone my stomach drops. I don’t want because I know it will seriously hurt me if I go back to you. I know because I’ve went back to you before and I got hurt two times worse than the first time. I don’t know why I still care. I don’t know why my stomach drops when I see your name. All I know is I still care. Don’t think that I will ever speak to you again because I won’t but something about you is special from any other person in this world. Maybe it’s the fact that when you love someone and they leave there is still a piece of them inside you. That little piece of them will never leave and the memories will never leave. It seriously doesn’t matter how hard you try to forget, you never will. I wish we had an erase button in the back of our head to let us delete certain things. Pretty much like a computer. Just open a file and delete it so you don’t have to see it anymore.
Okay that’s enough of that. I almost got in my feels so I had to turn that car around and go back to where I was. I haven’t got in my feels in months and that is great. Did your mom or dad ever threaten to turn the car around? My mom used too and we always told her to do it but she never actually does it. Can I just tell you how amazing it is to be single? Like being in a relationship is also great but when you are single you are not restricted to anything and it’s just you. Like today a few girls were getting all personal with me and I honestly miss that feeling. I would never let that scenario get too far but I can seriously talk to whoever I please and I honestly don’t miss being in a relationship. I am very loyal in a relationship don’t get me wrong. When I get into a relationship I am fully committed to them. When I am relationship it goes God-family- her. Nobody can interfere with that but when I’m single it goes God- family- me. Did you notice a difference? It said me instead of her. When I am single there is nobody holding me back. I’m basically a free man at the moment. I hate to say this but it’s like I just got out of jail. Not that a relationship is like being in jail but the feeling of getting out of jail is like the feeling of getting out of a bad relationship.
Now I sound like a stuck up teenage boy. Trust me, I’m not.
I was told to write about something that was embarrassing about me that happened at one point in time. That’s actually hard to write about because I don’t have many embarrassing moments in my life. It’s not really the fact that nothing embarrassing has happened to me it’s the fact that those moments don’t really phase me. Like I don’t get awkward or anything like that. I usually just laugh along like it was a joke about something else. So that basically puts an end to that topic sadly. When they told me to write about that I got really excited because I was positive there were plenty of moments that were awkward or embarrassing. Maybe they were embarrassing to other people and not to me. I don’t know but yea.
So I just googled a few topics and one of the topics were “what would you do if you won a million dollars”. Personally to me I would pursue my dream of missionary. I would pay for my bachelors in theology at Liberty University and then I would join a corporation that I know is good and I would do missions through them. I would also give money to my family. Then the rest of the money would go to my church. Even though I won’t be going to my church after high school I would still give them the rest of my money because without them I wouldn’t be into theology like I am now. So that is what I would do with a million dollars. I feel like I would do the exact same if I won a greater amount than a million dollars.
In all honesty a million dollars is not that much but at the same time it is a great amount that you could only dream of having. It seriously just depends on who you are and what you are doing with your life. If you have big dreams and you complete your goals to get to that dream then a million dollars will come easy. But at the same time if you have big goals but you are not doing anything to get to that dream then it seems like a great amount. If you are setting your goals then money is just a small piece of the equation. Your goal in life should not be to make money but it should be to get to your dream. I promise on everything that money will come as long as you follow your dreams.
Psalm 143:10- Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lead me on level ground.
Well that is pretty much it for today. I will keep y’all updated as I continue with my journey through life.