Habits

So I’ve been writing on this site for a long while now, and I suppose I’ve let some people get to know me. I mean, I’ve talked at length about how I like Dan and Phil, Harry Potter, Adventure Time (actually I don’t think I’ve said anything about that so let’s pretend I don’t like watching cartoons as a sixteen-year-old), and Doctor Who (I can’t watch it anymore because I know I’ll cry when his companions die), and writing, and a bunch of other things, but…when you get to know someone in real life, you don’t just get to know their hobbies and likes/dislikes, you get to hear them. You get to see them and remember their little quirks and habits and movements and the particular way they laugh when they’re embarrassed. So today I just wanted to write about some of my little habits–the stuff I haven’t talked about before.

  1. I count things.

I don’t count things count things. Like, I don’t impulsively count every brick in the wall, or tiles in the floor, or the cracks in the sidewalk. I don’t have a good head for numbers; I don’t remember long numbers well.

But I have this set of colored pencils, with thirty-six colors exactly, and they come in this cardboard tube, and I use them quite often, because I love to draw even though I draw very, very poorly. And every time I use them, after I’m done putting them away, I have to count them. Count them and make sure there are still thirty-six pencils in the package. Sometimes I even count twice because I wasn’t “sure” the first time. It’s completely ridiculous, but I feel uneasy if I don’t count them and make absolutely sure I didn’t lose any of them. Sometimes I worry that I have like, obsessive-compulsive disorder or something, but I don’t know, it’s just something I have to do. I count other things too, like pens and sets of things, like books, just to be sure they’re all there. I hate losing things from complete sets. Also, there’s that thing about the black pencil–I use it a lot, so it’s considerably shorter than all of the other ones, and it irritates me every time I see it, because it’s not the same height.

And then there’s the thing with my phone. This doesn’t count as “counting things”, exactly, but I hate pulling my phone out before it’s done charging, all the way up to 100%. I hate it. I absolutely hate unplugging it before it’s fully charged, even if it’s at 99%. It just gets to me so much.

  1. I tap.

I am not one of those annoying people who never know when to stop, and make noises during exams, but I tap. I tap my toes against the ground or maybe the leg of the desk, and I click my nails on the table when I sit. Most of the time I tap beats, like tap TAP TAP tap TAP TAP, or I drum my fingers one way and then the other. The thing is, I have to…I don’t know, “complete” the beat before I stop, like I have to do the tap TAP TAP thing once more before I stop because I can’t just tap once and just leave the pattern unfinished. And if I click my fingers one way, like from my pinky to my index, I’ll have to do it the other way too, because it’s like…I have to do both an even number of times. Does that make sense…? No, it does not, because I am literally the only person who does this.

  1. I bite my nails.

Actually I should say I bit my nails; I don’t do it anymore. I only had the habit for a few months, when I was in seventh grade, and then I quit. I was the biggest loser then–I was so shy, and just incredibly awkward, and I was “the new girl” in a school with like nine hundred people where everyone knew everyone’s cousin, and I was also the freak from another country who couldn’t speak Chinese well, so I was pretty alienated. I did everything alone. I would just sit at my desk and listen to them talk to each other, and just bite my nails–gnaw them down to the quick–while feeling completely left out and tortured. I stopped after a few months though…I have no idea how, I just did. Now I like keeping my nails long so I can hear them tap against tables–it’s soothing, the clicking noises, though having long nails makes playing the piano quite awkward, as the nails slip on the keys. Speaking of clicking, that’s why I like typing things on the computer, because I like that crisp clicking noise. I also like playing the piano, even though I’m horrid at it, because it just feels nice to do something with your fingers.

  1. I play with my hair.

I have quite long hair, down to my shoulderblades (although I’m thinking of cutting it soon, because it gets tangled all the time). After I stopped biting my nails, I started playing with my hair. I just kind of twist strands around my fingers. It’s comforting, having long hair, because I used to hide behind it every time I got embarrassed, but I think that should stop now that I’m most of the way to being an adult and I can’t just cover my face with my hair every time I feel inadequate.

  1. I twirl my pens.

This is something I picked up in school. Everyone in China twirls their pen. Well, not everyone, but basically everyone. It’s this weird way of alleviating boredom and major stress, I guess. Anyway, they either do that spin-the-pen-over-the-thumb thing (which I still can’t do, ugh) or they just twirl it between their fingers. That’s me. It gets kind of annoying because once you know how to do it, you do it all the time without thinking. Like I just pick up a pen to write something and I start twirling, and that’s how I ruined one mechanical pencil and uncountable pens–by accidentally flinging them onto the floor while twirling them. Also, I sometimes get droplets of ink on my paper and/or clothes because the twirling makes all the ink come out the tip, and that’s hella annoying, because apparently ink just never washes out of fabric like what the hell the packaging never said the ink in this pen was freaking permanent??

Okay so this was way too long and it was freaking boring, now that I think about it. I had a good time writing it though, plus this was like what, 800 words (I have no idea because I am incapable of estimating anything and I’m too lazy to run things through word-counting things) and I’ve gotten to my goal of 400 words/day. Yesterday I had this freaking bizarre dream where my account had been deleted (which would never happen because California Dream, the creator of the site, is awesome anad would never do that). Also I don’t think the things I wrote about count as “habits” but whatever, like I’ve spent an hour writing this and I’m not going to throw it out and start over again so.

Anyway. Have a good Wednesday (I still spell that word by saying “Wed-nes-day” in my head because what fool thought it would be a good idea to make the word sound like “Wendsday”) and stay chill. Hopefully I’ll find something new to write tomorrow–like, I have a bunch of hella weird dreams written down, so I can always write about them if I don’t know what to say.

One thought on “Habits”

  1. (Don’t worry, you can like cartoons, I love Adventure Time, especially Marshall Lee. Also “I’m Just Your Problem”, Marshall Lee version by a guy is so good, check it out, been listening to it on repeat : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYKRR_lc0Qw)

    I have the same habits, except a little different. Instead of recounting to make sure, I always have to look up the definition of words to make sure I’m using it correctly even though I already know the definition of it. For tapping, I also have to tap on both sides, or used to. I remember when I was younger, if I tapped only on one side, I felt irritated and heavy on that side, so when I lost count on both sides, I would have that feeling you have when you know you forgot something, but not knowing what and then you realized what you forgot and how badly you need it. For biting nails—you and I already established that. And twirling pens, I’m annoyed because I can’t spin it quickly. I plan on learning how to twirl it quickly, because I find that really cool, but I worry I’ll throw it further than I already do.

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