Hate It

Hate it when we argue

Because the last thing I want is to fight

I just want to love you and laugh and smile not hurt

I never meant to hurt you with what I’ve said

I feel like we know how to push each other’s buttons without realizing it too well now

We both have so much hurt from the past, we both did our share of damage

We both are working with hearts that have been broken by each other

Trying to mend them without having the space that it might take to do so

Maybe that’s because our chemistry is so strong we can’t handle being apart

We both so desperately want two different things and it causes issues

I want immediate results, you want time to heal

I heal through immediate results and you heal by time passing, trust rebuilding

I get so scared that all of this will end up being for nothing and I will get hurt

I feel like I could be missing out on the most beautiful thing ever if I don’t wait

If I am not patient I could lose the one person that I love more than anything

But my mind tells me that I most likely will get hurt 

To move on or demand an immediate reconciliation 

I would never want you to be with me again unless it was because you wanted to

Because it was what you felt was right for you inside

That it was the right timing 

Because I know that if we got back together just to please me, to shut me up

That it would most likely end up not working out and ruin everything beautiful we have

I have to be patient, I have to wait, and I hate it

I’ve never been good at waiting especially when it comes to love

I’ve never been good at holding back what I’m feeling but I have to with you

I have to hold back all the emotions that run through me when I kiss you

I have to hold back from saying stuff that would push you away

Because if I am too open it could destroy everything as well

It’s hard to allow you to just be you and take your time and let the ball be in your court

You’re right I do like control, because when I’m not I start to spiral out of control

This is a huge lesson for me, to just …..TRUST

Trust in the process, believe that if it’s meant to happen it will

Believe in love for the first time in my life, real love, unconditional love

It’s so hard along with everything else, it’s hard to sit back and let things be

Especially when I’m kissing you and all I want to say is I love you over and over

Every single time we kiss I feel the warmth of love flow through my body

It washes over me and overwhelms me,  it’s stronger than anything I have ever felt

This whole situation has got a hold on me, I love it… and I hate it.

One thought on “Hate It”

  1. You literally read it my heart. You love and hate it, I just hate the situation. Nothing to love about it. And yes, I heal by instant results, but I have to do it their way, Time. I’m not good at being patient. At times I literally just want to burst and express myself.

    I hope it all goes well for you.. I really do.

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