Ted woke up at 6:42am wondering where the cat was that shit in his mouth. Ted always set his alarm for slightly strange times like 6:47, 6:51…. This way Ted figured he would be to tired to work out the proper math in his head to know if he could push snooze or not and would be forced to just get up. Ted brushes his teeth for what feels like forever but is actually only about 30 seconds. In Teds closet there are 7 pairs of brown pants and 7 white collared button up dress shirts and 7 tan ties. Ted doesn’t care about style and figures this routine makes his life simple and easy to manage. Ted only buys new clothes when his old ones are no longer adequate and he buys the same close from the same online store every time. Ted also figures that He saves about 30 hours a year not having to shop in stores looking for the perfect outfits and sorting laundry. After putting on his brown pants white shirt and tan tie Ted drops his red plaid pajamas (which he also has exactly 7 pairs of)  into the hamper. Ted now takes a long look in the bathroom mirror and wonders if he hadn’t worn hats during his youth if he would still have hair. However this thought is pointless because Ted does not have hair. Ted eats a simple bowl of cheerios for breakfast. His chewing sounds likes grinding rocks and slightly bothers him but Ted gets over it and eats his cheerios all the same. Ted never drinks the milk he dumps it down the sink  washes the bowl and the spoon dries with a towel and puts away directly after he is done. This way upon his arrival home from work at 5:30pm his apartment will feel clean, warm and inviting. Ted has two pairs of shoes both black slip on dress shoes. Ted slips on the his work pair grabs his briefcase and walks out the door at precisely  7:35. This gives Ted 20 minutes to get to work because 5 minutes early is on time. Ted only lives 10 minutes from his office but figures an extra five minutes for traffic. If there happens to be little to no traffic Ted will get to work early and simply wait in his car. Ted gets out of his car at 7:53 which gives him one minute to enter the building and one extra minute incase a passing coworker or stranger stops to say hello and there for he is obligated to say hello back. This insures Ted will arrive at work at exactly 7:55am which is just on time. This is Teds morning. Teds morning has not changed for the last 20 years and 257 days.

Leave a Reply