What am I exactly?
Am I just another normal procrastinator?
Or am I someone “special?”
I guess it would be pretty selfish if I had the answer to that question. “No one can know you better than you know yourself.” That statements keeps repeating in my head. I’m no one special, just another guy in his bedroom, typing on his laptop since he’s afraid of telling anyone how he actually feels. Every day feels the same with it beginning and ending so quick. I feel trapped inside this little box I call my room, both willing and afraid to make my first steps into the real world. I’m 18, a so called “genius” from my parents. My mom was a valedictorian and my dad was a hard worker, both coming from a place where you either work or die early. I understand that they love me since I’m their only son and that they want the best for me but it’s just… I’m a very indecisive one. I attempt to follow a dream, only to get hit with reality that whatever dream I’m planning to pursue is filled with problems and issues making it seem more and more unrealistic to achieve. “Anything is possible.” I lie to myself believing one day I would know where my dream lies, only to wake up the next day following the same process. I love my family too much to begin taking more underhanded methods to handling my non-existent stress. I try to be the best example I can for my little sister. I even bite my lip and do my best to love my parents when they yell and act stubborn. I guess the fruit doesn’t fall to far from the tree. I wouldn’t lie, I’m quite stubborn myself. But anyways, I do my best to be a good guy. Is that enough? If I was still the optimist I once was, I could easily say yes… But I’m not anymore. It feels like these days, you can’t be a nice guy to save yourself. Friends will love you, people will love you, but eventually you’ll be taken advantage of and forgotten. It’s frightening to think like that but at this rate, what else can I do? My parents are already expecting a lot from me. Oh, look at me rant, I’ll save that for another day. If you’re ever looking back at this entry Kanuke, remember that if you had you’re worst day, the next will always be better.
- 3/17/2016 A lost Kanuke