anddd… its late @night again… its about 1.16 am right now and i feel like i have no soul. Listening to music but not feeling alive. Wondering iff im happy or not. Wondering what the actualy fuck is wrong with me ,why am i feelin this way …feeling every bit of energy has been sucked up by a grey shadow thats been keepin me company tonight, maybe wishing i … could die. but i cant cause i still have my boyfriend tho ..he is everything to me i cant just leave him there, and i see a fucking bright future with him, i wouldnt wish for anything else but seeing him everyday, waking up by his side taking good care of him , being the best girlfriend i can making him happy and feel secure. i have so many plans i want to do and…. uhh i dont know actualy, one moment i can be like super happy and exited , they see me as a motivated , active, happy ,hyper person i guess but to be honest…thats how i used to be ..thats how i maybe still am deep inside.. thats how i wanna be again…but somethings taking my breath away.