Nowadays I have been thinking a lot. what am I doing with my life? What will my future be? Am I letting down my parents? Am i wasting my life? Am I depressed? My life at this moment seems to be going bad but i think that the worst is yet to come. I never tell anyone how I feel and I know that its not good but i just cant bring myself to say things that are going on in my mind. And i thought writing it down might decrease the burden even-though I have been told that putting thoughts to paper isn’t one of my talents.
Today started as any-other day, feeling sad that I am doing nothing with my life and trying to bring my spirits up, i came crashing down with a huge reminder from my mother that I am letting people down and that I am not showing any interest to do something of myself. These are the times i just want to cry and tell i world that I am trying my best and I just don’t seem to get a break, but I don’t cry in front of people, that just makes me look weak. I do put on a smile everyday but that doesn’t mean I am happy with my life. Sometimes I just want to scream my head off and run as far as I can away from all this. I always hope that tomorrow will be better but as i said before, I have a bad feeling that it will get worse. But I do believe in my heart that I am the reason that my life has gone completely out of track. why should I blame someone else? I live with my decisions everyday and i get the reminder from everybody, everyday.
Can I cry? Why cant I cry? I can be weak. But my friends think I have no regrets in my life. little do they know. I just want my life to be something I am proud of. Will it ever happen. I want to talk to someone who will understand and there is no one around. So typing on a blank screen is the best I can do… Hoping for the bad and worse to end.