I’m Fine

People ask if I’m okay. They say “I’m here for you,”and “you can talk to me.” They try to make me open up to them. But I can’t. I just feel like they really don’t care what I have to say. I think to myself, “all they want to hear is that I’m fine, so if I tell them that, then they’ll leave.” And that’s exactly what I do. To be honest. I’m really not.

It started when I had this huge fight with my mom. She never talked to me, and when she did she would just yell and say “f**k you.”That blew over after a whole week or so.

After that was when I had a crush on my best friend. He told me that he’s had a crush on me since the beginning of the school year. Since I heard that, I thought I would be able to tell him how I felt. When I did he turned me down. He was talking to another girl at the time so I get that he was trying to be loyal to her. But it really broke my heart. And for the longest time I tried to get over him and I couldn’t till one day someone else came along.

I met her while we played each other in a soccer game on night. It’s not the cutest way to meet someone, but I thought it was. I shook her hand at the end of the game and I thought that was the last time I would ever see her. To my surprise, she had found my Instagram the next day and commented on one of my pictures saying I played well. From there we started talking, and I got her number. A few days later we started dating. The sad part was I rarely got to see her because we went to different schools. But we made it work. We called each other all the time. In and out of school. I met her friends and some of her family (cousin wise) and I really liked her. In fact I loved her. I don’t know. I think I still do. I felt protected when I was with her. She was the badass and I was just this sweet little innocent girl. I loved how bossy she was and how she can just stand up for herself. We were doing really good together. Well, I thought we were till she broke up with me without giving me a reason. She kinda just left.

I was so angry, but then she still texted me once in a while so I knew I didn’t really lose her. She’s just been going downhill with her life and I can’t do anything. I feel so helpless and I don’t know what to do. When she text’s me I feel so happy again, but then she becomes a bitch and just breaks my heart all over again. I really don’t know what I did. I just thought we loved each other but I guess not.

I can’t even type everything I’m feeling right now. I just wish we were still together because she was my happiness. Out of everything that went wrong in life I could always look forward to her calls and hearing her voice. She made me smile. And I was never that happy for a long while. Now I’m back to crying myself to sleep. It’s hard moving on. Well for me not her but still. I just wish we were still together. But if anyone asks. Then I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. People see me as this happy girl. Never sad. So let’s just keep it that way.

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