I WANT THE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND!!! The thoughts of failure and disgrace. I cant sit for a second doing nothing, it brings depressing thoughts. The only solution I have found is to watch movies and listen to music, it keeps my mind busy. I never did watch videos at night on my bed, but now I watch it till my eyes are tired and in hopes that I will fall asleep. Without it, I just toss and turn for hours and hours just remembering what is happening in my life and see a very bleak future ahead of me. How can I make this stop?
Everyone around me thinks I am happy and a fun person, I just want to scream and let out my frustration and let them know that something is eating me up from inside and I think I am letting it. I want these thoughts to leave me. I want them to change into something happy but they never do. All I see is pain and suffering i the days ahead. I want someone to understand that I am not happy. All I do when I am sad is smile in front of people and go into my room ans stare vacantly at the wall or my laptop, but all I ever wanted is someone to understand whats going on without me telling them.
I want to think happy thoughts and at least in my imagination see a future that seems good and promising. Hoping..