This week has been stressful and I have been having bouts of tension. Luckily when I experience anxiety and panic I have devised some decent coping mechanisms. I break things down into their simplest forms.
Toothless was low on her pain medication (buprinex) so I called the vet to get a refill. Turns out they can’t refill it due to the intensity of the drug and regulations. They gave me another option. They recommended a fentanyl patch.
At first I was angry that she couldn’t continue the medication that’s been easing her pain, but then I googled it. Turns out buprenex is a high test narcotic, 10 times stronger than morphine. I held my breath for a second. I am an opiate addict in recovery. I’ve been clean for over a year, but I’ll always carry the burden of addiction. The more I say no to those destructive urges the easier it is for me to abstain. Shit. The very thing I crave for those overwhelming moments I want to be numb to has been sitting under my nose for a week.
I know she needs the pain medication, but I’m glad it’s used up and away from my idle hands and racing mind. I drove to a pharmacy near the veterinarian’s office and picked up the fentanyl patches (another narcotic). The vet shaved a spot on Toothless’s leg just above her paw and applied the patch. She wrapped it in special bitter tasting gauze. I gave her the rest of the prescription to keep in a lock box in her office. I’ll bring the cat back in 5 days to change it.
I passed my test. I didn’t give in temptation. I remain clean. I didn’t take advantage of my cat’s tragic situation to fulfill my own greedy intentions. Sweet relief. Opiate abuse is close to making yourself a living zombie. I never want to go back.
After that I dropped Toothless off at home and got my train wreck hair do fixed by an amazing hair dresser. I am very pleased with the results. I got a cute cut, touched up my side bangs, and I love the blond color. Is this my kismet reward for staying strong? Who knows. The universe goes in circles like that.
In addition to those two appointments I ran various errands (returned books to the library, videos back to the rental store, bought some items the girls needed, etc). Today was a serious case of adulting.
In moments when you struggle – make your options small and simple. Remember a year from now most things won’t be nearly as important.