I’ve changed

Yall don’t understand how close I was to skipping today’s journal and taking a nap. Of course I chose not to but I had my eyes closed and everything contemplating doing this. So yall can’t ever say I don’t do anything for yall.

So something crossed my mind last night when I was talking with someone. I will go into what crossed my mind in a minute but I’m going to give a little information. I have brought two people to this site to start writing. One lost touch with me and she doesn’t write anymore. The other I brought to this site and she is still writing. She actually said she would write this journal for me but I said no. I actually asked her too sarcastically but she said yes. Both of the girls have written very deep content. I will not announce who the two girls are because that is not my place to tell but just know one of them is still here. I was talking to the one that is still here and she told me she was looking for one of my deep journals that I have mentioned. I have told a few people that I have some deep content on here and that’s where she got that from. So I went on a search for one of those deep journals I have told her about. So as I was reading through some of my old journals I found one called “you”. I instantly knew what this one was about just by the name. I didn’t read it but I told the girl about this journal. We were both reading it at the same time and I honestly started tearing up while reading it. I wrote a part in there bout my happiness being taken away. I will put a clip of it in here.

You promised me something and gave it to me. That’s the best part about this. You gave me that happiness, and do you want to know what you did with it after you gave me that happiness and had me rapped around your finger? You ripped it away harshly like a dagger in the heart.”

Let’s remember that I am seize years old. I don’t go back and read what I write so coming back to this had me in shock. The fact that I came up with such a beautiful metaphor that has a very deep meaning is outstanding. I’m genuinely proud of myself for this.

So now I can introduce the topic today. The topic today is on how much I have changed. That journal made me realize how much I have changed from then until now. All of that was written at a hard time in my life. At a time where I was lost and I didn’t know what to do. You can say I was just feeling the aftermath of losing love but it was so much more than that. Yall don’t really know this but I have thousands of more words that go into that journal. Yall only got a piece of it. I am such a happy person now and I make everyone I see smile. It is seriously my goal to make you smile and if I don’t then I won’t stop. Let me just say that I am very proud of myself. I completely changed my mindset in the best way possible. I went from a depressed human being to a very happy and joyful person. If you can’t say that that’s amazing then you are absolutely crazy.

So enough with that. Let’s talk about today. I ended up staying home because I just wanted rest. Therealgoddessianna is going to be mad at me for skipping but I will make up for it by giving her a long journal for today. I made plans with some of my friends today for this spring break. One of the days I might go to crowders with them and after go get a coffee and see allegiant. That’s still in the planning but that was one of the options. I think this spring break is going to be really chill in all honesty and that’s honestly exactly what I want. I would usually go and try to do some crazy things with friends but I’m getting old and I need my rest. I love the fact that I said I’m getting older. All the older people that read this are going to be mad at me.

I think I might read later. I haven’t read at home in a while so it would be nice. I need a friend that I can go to a coffee place and read. Not really talk but just read. Of course we would occasionally talk a bit but not much. I think I have said that in another journal so I’m sorry for repeating that but I seriously need someone.

I might also learn a new song over this break on my piano. I don’t have as much time to learn anything because of school so it would be nice to play again. I especially won’t have any time next year because I’m taking much more advanced classes. So the little life I have now needs to be enjoyed before I have absolutely no life at all.

I always say I don’t have a life but I seriously do have a life. I also say I don’t have friends but I actually have tons of friends. It’s just a habit to say I don’t have friends or a life. I guess I say that because I cut off a lot of people and I don’t have as much of a life as I used too. Idk, I’m weird.

So this blog is going to be over a thousand words. I haven’t done that in about a week so it’s nice to make another long one again. It’s seriously hard to get home and do what I have to do while trying to write a blog for you guys. I didn’t think it would be this hard but I honestly love it. It gives me something to do and it helps me express myself through words.

So I got this coconut drink called “Bai”. It’s a coconut drink and I seriously can’t make my mind up on if I like it or not. I really like coconuts so I thought buying this drink would be a good thing. It has somewhat of a citric flavor to it and I don’t really like it. I don’t hate it but it’s not a drink that you can just continuously drink. It’s one of those drinks that make you even thirstier than you originally were. So I don’t know if I like it or not. I don’t think I will ever make my mind up on this drink.

Oh, I just remembered that today is my 70th journal. Just yesterday I was at my 50th so I don’t know how this happened. 

Isaiah 53:5- “but he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”

Well, that is about it for today. I will keep y’all updated as I continue with my journey through life.

One thought on “I’ve changed”

  1. Lol. Thanks for the sweet mention 🙂 and no, not mad. Sometimes you just have to skip a day!

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