Shot day folks.  I was alright until we turned on the road toward the c center.  Got there early and they took me right away.  Made the nurses laugh with my chicken shit t shirt.  Got to wear it every shot day.  I got more great news.  ALL my vitals are normal. Even my blood pressure.  122/40 or something like that.   I can even stop the nasty potassium pills.  Nurse said all the nurses made the comment that the husband was so kind to rub my feet yesterday while I was getting chemo.  They said they never saw that before.  They let me go into a private exam room to get the dreaded shot.  Once again I didn’t handle it well.  I guess I never will but you know what.  That’s OK.  I don’t care what anyone thinks about it.  It’s my thing and that’s THAT.  Did I cry?  Hell YES.  Do I still hate it.  YES I DO.  Went to eat afterward at a China Buffet.  It wasn’t any good.  But I feel really GREAT.  EVERYTHING is going really well.  I’m getting all good news.  The lump on my side has shrunk so much it is now the size of a small bruise.  If chemo is working there I was told it is also working on the inside stuff.  Maybe no surgery.  All is good.  Modeled all my scarves and yes even the wig for the husband who said I looked good.  He even likes the short hair and I am rockin it and lovin it. Always looked at pictures of short hair but thought I was too ugly to ever wear my hair like that.  Hey I grew up.  I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks.  I am now happy in my own skin.  Probably more on that topic later.   Have to take the wig to get the bangs trimmed.  Will do one day.  I like the scarf look too.  I am really alright with all that is going on.  This journal is really helping.  It is making me take a look at my life from way back as far as I can remember and I am able to put together how I got to where I am today.  Sort of like coming to terms with your life.  It is all a freedom and a confession to oneself and one’s God and just making one’s life more real.  I don’t know if that make sense to any of you but it does to me.  I don’t know how long I have to live.  Believe me though I have absolutely no plans on going anywhere anytime soon like I said before but for once I am lovin myself and lovin life and letting my life be what it is and I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks about me.  Love to my amazing family who are being so supportive.  Love to my amazing co-workers who are praying for me.  Guys your prayers are WORKING.   Thank you all.

2 thoughts on “MY JOURNEY WITH THE big c”

  1. Yes, you make sense. How freeing to not worry what people think! You have wonderful friends praying for you….what a blessing. But you are so brave and bright! Like a shining light in this world. God bless you.

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