I want to first off apologize for how much I am writing. I normally do not but as I am reading other peoples journals, I am realizing that I have a lot more to tell. So, I feel like talking about how Tom and I met.
First off, if you have never used a dating website, good for you, honestly.
Second off, if you are thinking about it and you aren’t desperate, don’t do it.
Getting back to my original thought processes of our tell-tale ‘love story’:
Tom and I met on a site originally called MyYearbook and what is now, MeetMe. We actually started communicating when I posted a picture of the Bluetooth Stereo I had just bought from FYE, but instead of writing ‘FYE’ I wrote ‘FYI’ or something around there.
We were commenting back and forth when one of us (I cannot remember who) but one of us decided to make a move by saying, ‘well, I am getting off of here so if you want to talk I will leave my number’ with a smiley face. For those of you who have ever attempted online dating, you know how skilled in the art of communication you have to be for that concept to actually work!
I came to find out that he was actually looking for me on Facebook but with what happened years ago with my step-father, my entire profile is unpublicized. I actually had to find him and that is generally when it all started.
At the time, I was working at Turkey Hill, third shift. I told him this since I know the cops in the area and they were always coming in to make sure nothing was happening. Well, this short guy comes walking in and immediately, I knew it was Tom. We ended up sitting out on the curb most of the night talking until I got interrupted by customers and eventually, he had to leave due to the fact he had to go to work.
It actually went on like that for a while.
There was actually a night where I lied to him about being locked out of my Mothers house so he would come and hang-out with me. We ended up walking to Wal-Mart and purchasing a soccer ball. The YMCA field was right outback so again, we ended up playing soccer for a good bit of the night, spilling our secrets and then heading back. I must say, that was one of the best night I had in a while..
I cannot tell you exactly what happened next, but we were only talking for about a month before he asked me to be his girlfriend. In that moment, there was nothing but pure bliss. I wish I could say I was joking too since I realize how corny that sounds.
Eventually, he started spending the night and what not. He met my family and my dog, Sergeant and they actually handled him nicely. Before you ask, my family aren’t ones to welcome strangers easily, especially what happened to me.
As the story goes on, we had the normal relationship issues. Building and finding trust in one another was harder than expected. Tom was in a 7-year ‘relationship’ or ‘fuck-buddies’ as he considers it, but tell me this and be honest. If your boyfriend was in a 7-year fuck-buddy type status prior to meeting you and actually bought a ring to propose to her when he got back from California with the Marines, wouldn’t you think it was more than just a ‘fuck’ type situation??
Anyways, I was convinced that they were still a thing. As a matter of fact, one day when my Mother and I were sitting on the porch prior to me moving out, we noticed a car in the parking lot in front of the house. We could see there was a woman in the car but that was it. She sat there for minutes upon minutes. Eventually I decided I wanted to run down to Turkey Hill for a drink. My Mother claims and swears to this day that as soon as I disappeared from her sight, the woman in the car took off and basically followed me. Not knowing the situation, I took my time in Turkey Hill. I talked to Swain, the one gentleman who worked there prior to me since he was a nice man and then decided it was time to leave, probably 15-20 minutes after my Mother last saw me.
Needless to say, right when I was coming around the corner to where my Mother could see me again, I saw her in her Jeep getting ready to come and find me to make sure I wasn’t kidnapped. To this day, we still mock Tom with telling him we think it is his wife he never told me about coming to exact her revenge on me for stealing him.
As I said before, things were going well. A fight here or there but that is completely normal in a start-up, new relationship. Then, the shit hit the fan.
A few months into our relationship, Tom and I were about to call it quits and it was my fault.
I met this other man on MeetMe prior to Tom. Actually, long before Tom. His name is John. He was a Marine stationed in Okinawa, Japan.
Being as though I met him prior to meeting Tom, I thought it would be fine if we continued to communicate seeing as though he was my best friend. Well, I was wrong.
After reading the messages that were back and forth between John and I, Tom caught the fact that John was in love with me without me even realizing it. When he questioned me, I honestly did not think his feelings went that deep. We argued repeatedly for hours on end. That is when we decided that as a couple, I should no longer communicate with him.
Seeing as though John was my best friend prior to Tom, I went behind his back and was talking to John via E-Mail since I did not believe he would check it. Well, I was wrong again. This time however, it almost cost my relationship.
I begged and pleaded, promising that I would never do something this stupid again. Asking him not to leave and turning into a huge ball of tears and snot. He decided that one more shot was enough. So he gave it to me.
This time, I was done communicating with him. I wanted nothing to do with him and so, we agreed that for the sake of his trust, he would go through my phone to make sure and if I broke that trust, he would leave.
Needless to say, I did not break his trust. John did however.
A few months had past since the fiasco of John and I yet, out of the blue, John decided to E-Mail me saying he misses me and what not. Immediately, I either screenshot it or stayed up until he woke up to show him what John had said. He gave John one last chance and that one last chance failed, and failed miserably.
Again, a few months later, John was at it again. By this time, Tom and I had an apartment together so the trust in one another was greater than previously.
When Tom saw that he had done it again, he lost his mind. He immediately told me to get John’s number out of my phone (the e-mail he sent me had his number in it so he could talk to me) and he proceeded to call him. When he answered, expecting it to be me, Tom told him who it was and who he was calling about. The thing that breaks my heart is the fact that when Tom told him he was calling about me, Alex, John acted like he had no who I was or what I was talking about. Being my friend for years, it tore me up inside. After that, I did not care what Tom did to him so I told him Johns little secret.
John was attempted to get custody of his daughter since his wife (ex wife, girlfriend, whatever she was) was a drug abuser. He knew that if we pressed charges for harassment, he would not get his daughter. Tom called the police in the area and reported John for harassment against me however, I had to give the officer a call-back seeing as though I was at work when all this went down and he needed to speak with me personally to report the issue.
Well, we reported the issue and ever since then, John has made no contact with either of us whatsoever. We even had the officer give him a call just to let him know that if he persisted, the case would then be permanently on his record, giving him no hope of ever getting his daughter. To this day, I feel absolutely awful about bringing his daughter into the mess however, if it is between Tom and John again, I will always choose Tom.
Although I feel as if I am repeating myself, Tom and I went on for a little while in the ‘honeymoon phase’ as they call it. It is where you have so much endorphins rushing around in your brain and body, all you feel is love and happiness. Until the one time, I looked through his phone.
Has anyone else ever had that sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach? Like something is wrong and it turns out that you are right? Sometimes it is a good thing, and others, it a life-changing experience.
Now, I will be honest and I am expecting no judgment considering I am sure most of you have done what I am about to say…
I have dolloped in watching pornography. I went through a curious phase where I was convinced I was attracted to females in a sexual way. To figured out exactly what was to be done in this ‘sexually intriguing phase’, I informed myself through pornography. I also tested my theory of being attracted to females, sexually. As arousing as it was, I would not choose a woman over a man, with the exception of Jillian Michaels and Tom knows this, lol. However, not while Tom and I have been together. I am faithful to him as long as we are together and as of now, there is a greater chance of us living out our lives together than not.
It turns out, Tom did also.
I found pages on his browser history that was able to prove me correct. As any person would do with this information, I questioned him. Yes, he fessed up. Even though pornography is something almost everyone experiences, it isn’t something I have ever seen as attractive or a ‘turn-on’ per say.
After arguing and what not, we went back to being a normal couple. Until, once again, I looked in his browsing history and saw it again. This time, I completely lost it.
I was sure we were through considering he swore he would not do it again.
I packed up a bag, wrote something along the lines of a 5-6 page letter, laid it on his nightstand next to our bed and left for my Mothers house. When I got there, I was a bubbling, hot mess. My Mother ended up coming downstairs when she heard crying, not expecting me to be sitting on the couch with my little brother. I ended up confessing everything to my brother; that in itself was a grave mistake.
Yes, M is my little brother, however, he also has the brother instincts to shoot down anyone who hurts me, as I would do for him.
Well, after confessing everything and calming down, I decided to head back to our place. I needed answers and I didn’t care if I had to wake him to get them.
As it turns out, he claims that he was not watching pornography but rather with certain webpages, they automatically open up the sites. I have yet to see it happen again to this day, nor have I had it happen to myself but he swears on it.
My Mother actually had to convince my brother that what Tom did was a mistake due to the fact that neither of them would confront each other without it turning to the dark side. At the end of it all, Max warmed back up to Tom, thankfully and Tom has proved himself since then.
As it turns out, we have a pretty solid relationship. Like any, we are bound to get a few bumps in the road however, we will hopefully continue on the narrow and winding path towards a life of happiness.
I am not a believer that everything will be fine from this point on. We still have trust issues seeing as though I was cheated on by my High School sweetheart, James and he was cheated on by his ‘fuck buddy’ of 7-years but together, I do believe we can ultimately make one another happier than the day prior.
After all, isn’t that what ultimately counts when the day is done and over with? I say yes. What say you??